When You Just Need to Let Go

April 17, 2013 By 3 Comments


Since the time Annalyn was two and a half years old, she’s gone to daycare, preschool or both. And she’s loved it. She’s also loved her class at church, various playdates and basically any opportunity to play with other kids.

HOWEVER. Since the time she was two and a half years old, she’s also resisted going into these classrooms. Whether she’s throwing a fit, screaming, whining or just plastering herself to my leg and refusing to let go, she’s behaved as if she DOESN’T like every.single.place. I take her.

Which is frustrating, because I KNOW she loves her teachers and her friends. And I KNOW she’s safe in each of the environments. I know because I’ve worried. If she’s acting like this, something must be wrong! But no. She just has anxiety in that moment I drop her off.

This happened {again.} last Saturday. On the first Saturday of each month, all the leaders in my church get together for worship, vision casting and training in our ministry areas. Annalyn loves going to “Leadership,” as she calls it, and has a blast every month.

But she also refuses to go into her classroom nearly every month. Even though she talks about how much she loves going there. Even though she loves playing with her friends and making crafts and eating snacks and watching Veggie Tales.

Even though.

Sometimes she walks into her classroom confidently, running to join her friends after just a hug and an over-the-shoulder, “Bye, Mommy!” Last Saturday was not one of those times.

After I picked her up and physically placed her in her classroom – looking like Mom of the Year {again.}, if you must know – I stomped off to the worship center, irritated and frustrated.

Of course, the problem with walking into a room with the sole purpose of worshiping God is that it’s darn near impossible to hold onto frustration, anger or basically any thoughts of how the people in my life are clearly out to get me.

As I stood next to my friends, singing Chris Tomlin’s Our God, I tried real hard to hang onto my outrage. It was a lost cause, though. Singing, “And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against us?” made it clear.

I’m the one clinging to the doorway, crying, “Don’t leave me! Stay with me!”

I like to think of myself as brave and bold, a risk-taker and full-steam-ahead-er. But the truth is, while I could show you evidence to back up those claims, I know how long it takes me to get out of my head and into action. I know how many times I hang onto God’s proverbial legs, begging Him to let me stay and crying about the unknown of the next step.

Is it possible that God feels the way I do when Annalyn pulls this stunt? Does He look down at me, thinking, “For the LOVE! Would you please just TRUST ME for once? Have I EVER steered you wrong? Would I EVER send you somewhere unsafe? Do you REMEMBER the last time? And the time before that? How much fun did you have? Right?! Just. Let. Go!”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time as a mother (and there’s not one thing. THERE ARE HUNDREDS.), it’s that God is an infinitely more patient and loving parent than I am. I doubt He goes from calm to LOSING MY MIND in 4.2 seconds like I do, and I am confident He loves me better than I love Annalyn when she is scared.

Thank God! Thank God for His never-ending patience and all-encompassing love and refusal to settle for second best. Because while I think He looks at me, whining and worrying and refusing to let go of His legs, with love and patience, I KNOW He stills pushes me until I lose my grip and stumble into the beautiful plan He’s made for me.

My recent job change was one of those pushes. But that doesn’t mean the struggle is over. I’m still bracing my arms on the door frame of a couple other next steps, negotiating for more time, more confidence, more talent, more sleep, more anything to make me feel ready.

All the while, God is saying, “Let go. Have I ever steered you wrong? It’s going to be okay – no, better than okay. This is going to be GREAT. Just. Let. Go!”

I don’t let Annalyn listen to many Pink songs, but “Try” is one we both love . . . and sing along to . . . and need to remember when we start whining about leaving our parents’ side.


What turns you into a clingy, scaredy cat?
What door do you need to let go of and walk through today?

You might recall that I’ve written about this before. [As if I needed more proof that I struggle with this!] Check out Fishing for Hope and Just Jump in Already!

Photo of flame source

Filed Under: Faith & Other Deep Thoughts, Family & Friends Tagged With: ,

The Saga of the Sweet Potatoes

March 26, 2013 By 4 Comments

I’m not very good about eating fruits and vegetables. But I’m constantly trying to be better – both for my health and my kiddo’s health and habits. Since I heard the suggestion earlier this year to simply eat either a fruit or veggie with every single meal and snack, I really have eaten a lot more produce than before. And Annalyn – despite her love of carbs (where could she have possibly gotten THAT?) – is GREAT about eating fruits and veggies.

My husband, though? Not so much.

We’ve long joked that the only vegetables he eats in his meat-and-potatoes diet are green beans and corn. Which, honestly, is fine. He DOES (for the record) eat more veggies than that, but even though he’s pickier than I’d prefer, it’s not normally a big deal. Annalyn has, for the most part, been brave and adventurous when it comes to trying new foods – so I push myself to try new foods along with her and leave Mark to his same old, same old.

But a while ago, this live-and-let-live-without-veggies approach failed our family.

I had made sweet potato fries before. We’d eaten them. They were good. But this night?
This night, Mark decided to make his true feelings known – and informed us that he didn’t like sweet potatoes.

Well, you know what happened next, right? Annalyn – who’d eaten them and loved them in the past – decided she ALSO didn’t like them. And then my head exploded.

[Seriously - who doesn't like sweet potatoes?! They're all the rage now FOR A REASON. They are delicious! And nutritious! What MORE could you ask for?! . . . Yes, this IS what it sounds like when my head is exploding.]

Well, not literally, but pretty darn close. Since then, Mark has (of course) apologized for making such a statement in front of Annalyn. And I can’t be mad [anymore], because I’ve said things without thinking [a million times]. But sorry or not, the damage is done.

Or so I thought.

Last week I had the opportunity to participate in a conference call with several bloggers, The Motherhood and Michelle Dudash. Michelle is a registered dietitian, a Cordon Bleu-certified chef and author of Clean Eating for Busy Families. And more importantly, she’s down to earth, approachable, helpful and realistic – all things I love in my nutrition experts!

Michelle works with the Walmart Foundation and on the call, she told us about some great work that organization is doing to help fight hunger and then shared tons of great tips for shopping, cooking and eating healthy with our families.

I’ll get back to the sweet potatoes, but first I want to tell you about the Walmart Foundation, because what they’re doing is really cool.

This March, the Walmart Foundation donated $6.7 million in grants to 5 national nonprofits that are providing children with school breakfast and helping families develop better eating habits. The grants are part of Walmart and the Walmart Foundation’s $2 billion cash and in-kind commitment through 2015 to help fight hunger in America and Walmart’s 2011 initiative to provide customers with healthier and more affordable food choices.

In short, the Walmart Foundation is helping 250,000 Americans access school breakfast and nutrition education programs.

We all know that kids need to start their day with a healthy breakfast. But whether due to busy schedules, financial struggles or a lack of understanding of the importance of breakfast, way too many children go to school hungry anyway. My mom is an elementary teacher in a low-income district, and I’ve heard first-hand how hard it is for kids to concentrate on learning when their tummies are empty. So programs like the ones supported by the Walmart Foundation are desperately needed – and truly appreciated (at least by me!).

After she told us about what the Walmart Foundation is doing, Michelle went on to share tons of great tips for helping your family eat healthy. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • Cook once, eat twice. I try to do this whenever possible, chopping up extra veggies or browning extra ground beef when I have a few minutes to spare while cooking a meal.
  • Plan – and prep – ahead. But be realistic – how many meals will you really eat at home this week? Focus on planning for those. (See what I mean? I love how realistic Michelle’s approach to healthy family eating is.)
  • Semi-homemade can be healthy. Just remember to read the ingredient list and avoid mixes or other foods with ingredients you don’t recognize or can’t pronounce.
  • Stock up on essentials when they’re on sale or in a longer, kid-free grocery store trip, then keep a running list for other foods during the week or month.
  • To encourage kids to eat healthy or new foods, cut them into fun shapes, let them eat them with dips, or involve them in the shopping, cooking or both.

Once she shared those – and other – tips with us, Michelle took our questions. That’s when I brought up the sweet potato saga.

Michelle’s advice was to not make a big deal in front of my daughter (oops. too late.), and to make sure Mark makes a big deal out of eating other nutritious foods in front of her. And as good as that advice is, my biggest takeaway was the advice one of the other bloggers gave. She suggested I simply fix the sweet potatoes again and have Mark eat them and talk about how much he likes them.

Honestly? THAT will be enough to solve this dilemma. Strong-willed as she can be about oh-so-many things, Annalyn is quickly swayed by other people’s opinions on food (hence the original head-exploding problem). Mark has already agreed to this scheme, so I’m planning to make sweet potatoes later this week. I’ll keep you posted on how well it all works!

How do you encourage your kids (or yourself) to eat a variety of healthy foods?

Photo source

Disclosure: I was compensated for this project by The Motherhood, but all opinions and vegetable drama are my own. I also used an affiliate link, which doesn’t change the price of your purchase but does help support this site.

Filed Under: Family & Friends, Recipes & Food, Uncategorized Tagged With:

It Takes Two: Orange Conference & a Giveaway

February 8, 2013 By

Gerbera Daisies


Two years ago I went to the Orange Conference as a parent blogger. The conference is held in Atlanta each spring by The ReThink Group, and it’s geared toward children’s ministry folks. I felt kind of out of place.

Not only was I not a children’s minister, but I was a less-than-enthusiastic nursery volunteer at my church that didn’t use Orange curriculum. But even I couldn’t help but notice how much Orange loves kids.

They love kids so much they aren’t willing to let parents or church leaders take anything for granted or get lazy or assume the other is going to teach kids what they need to know about God. Orange suggests that raising kids takes two – families and the church, working together.

Since attending that conference, my family has changed churches and now attend a church that uses Orange – and I’ve seen this family+church strategy first-hand. Annalyn loves getting her “homework” every week, and we stick it on the fridge as soon as we get home.

[She doesn't really bring home "homework." It's a handout that tells parents what kids are learning in their class and suggestions for integrating the lesson into family time during the week.]

Also, the music we get from Orange is so fun. Annalyn loves the CD I got two years ago at Orange, still listening to it every few days. (And don’t even get her started on how she wants to be a rock star like Yancy. She’ll sing your ear off!)

I’m not sure I’ll be able to attend Orange Conference this year, although I’d love to. Last month I started contributing in our children’s ministry department, overseeing what we call Praise Parkway – the large group story and singing session elementary kids to to during Sunday service. I didn’t expect to love it, but so far I do – and I know the Orange Conference will prompt dozens of ideas for Praise Parkway and offer tons of information I could bring back to my church.

The Orange Conference will take place in Atlanta on April 24-26. And if you register by February 14, you’ll get $40 off your registration, plus a $50 Orange credit.

If you can’t go to the conference – and even if your church doesn’t use Orange curriculum – you can still learn more about parenting in partnership with your church with Reggie Joiner’s book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community. Here’s the description of the book:

When parents work in tandem with the faith community to raise their children, they increase their parenting capacity exponentially. Most parents have so many demands on their time that they can’t be the kind of parent they desire to be. They need to know the Orange Factor: Two combined influences will make a greater impact on kids than just two influences. And it’s true. Parents who partner with the faith community are the best way to bring the next generation into the family of God-and keep them there.


I’m excited to give away a copy of this book to one lucky reader. To enter, simply leave a comment telling us about a positive adult influence in your child’s life or in your own childhood. The giveaway will be closed at midnight (CST) next Friday, February 15.

Filed Under: Deals & Giveaways, Family & Friends Tagged With:

Words matter

January 30, 2013 By 6 Comments

Bring me sunshine

Silently, we pulled into the parking lot of a little park near our house.

We’re not here to play, I told her. I walked over to a picnic table and patted the bench next to me. She sat down slowly, nervously if you must know, and I waited for her eyes to meet mine.

Breathing deeply, I told her calmly why her behavior earlier in the day was completely unacceptable and devastatingly hurtful. I talked to her at her level, with words softer than I felt in my heart, and explained why the ugliness that she’d spewed in a fit of rage that morning didn’t just make me mad; it broke my heart.

“Words matter, baby,” I told her. “The things you say are important – and they can hurt people or help people. You can make people feel really good . . . or really bad.”

I told her that the Bible calls the tongue our strongest muscle, because it wields such power. (Fine. I didn’t say “wields” as I talked to my five-year-old. But you know what I mean – and so did she.)

As I hugged her and patted her back, both of us in tears and ready for a fresh start, I realized that once again, I was learning a lesson just as big as the one I was teaching.

Her words matter – and so do mine.

I thought about that again later in the week. I sent an email to my friend and co-worker about the upcoming Women of Faith conference and said, “My friend is speaking at the conference.” She replied and asked which one of the speakers I am friends with.

As soon as I read her question, I felt my stomach flip. I hadn’t lied, but I had used the language of exaggeration so common in blogs, social networks and – if I’m honest – my everyday conversations.

“If that happens, I will just die. Just. Die!”
“And then about a million people showed up.”
“You watch Downton Abbey, too? We are total TV BFFs!”
“You read my blog? I read your blog! We are blog BFFs!”
“Oh my gosh, I love you so much!”

I’m guilty of more than one of those statements, about a million times over. I am fluent in hyperbole, I go from zero to bajillions in about 2.4 seconds, and I’ve named dozens of people (some of whom I’ve never even met) my BFF.

Most the time talking like that is no big deal. But when I exaggerate a relationship – whether intentionally or not – I’m cheapening the close friendships I truly have. In addition I’m saying that the actual relationship I have with a person isn’t enough – and that’s just not right.

I’m blessed with lots of friends (not a bajillion, though it seems like it come holiday card time). Some of them I’ve known for years, while others I’ve met recently and am still getting to know. Some of them live blocks away, while some of them live in other countries. Some of them I’ve met once (or not at all), while others are people I see every single week. All of them are special, and each of them (and the relationship I have with them) is unique.

Even if I’m being extremely cautious and precise with my words, I have several friends I’d call best. And, really, it’s more fun to say “BFF,” as if we’ve all exchanged broken-hearted necklaces and passed notes in math class. But I can’t deny that my conscience was pricked last fall when I realized that my own words were being tossed about as carelessly as my disobedient daughter’s.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop exaggerating completely. I mean, come on. Have you met me? But when it comes to matters of relationships and friendships and people and the heart, I want to be more careful.

Are you frugal and precise with your words? Or do you tend to exaggerate {like I do}? Have you ever described someone as a closer friend than she really was?

Filed Under: Faith & Other Deep Thoughts, Family & Friends Tagged With:

When Seizing the Day is Too Hard

January 9, 2013 By 23 Comments

I have a friend who often jokes that he eats – and enjoys – every meal like it might be his last. And my mom ingrained in me throughout my childhood to “just try” – in other words, try to use the bathroom every chance you get.

Now as anyone who’s met any member of my family will tell you, my mom’s advice was based more on the desire to be prepared than to seize the day. And one look at my Weight Watchers record is all the reminder I need to never [again] eat a meal like its my last.

Still, everywhere I turn, the Advice of the Day seems to be “live in the moment” or “the years are short” or “you’re gonna miss this” or “act like tomorrow might never come.” And it’s true. Sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come.

But I’m only human. And my days only have 24 hours in them. And sometimes carping the diem is too much, too hard. When it takes everything I’ve got to make it through the day, seizing it is about the last thing I want to do.

I’ve had a lot of those days lately – and by “lately,” I mean over the past nine months. Going back to work has wrecked any semblance of order my life had . . . and it didn’t have a whole lot to start with!

A question we ask often at my church is, “What are your challenges?” Mine has been, consistently since starting to work for that same church, balance. Time management. Figuring out – and sticking to – my priorities. Dealing with the fact that I’ve taken on too much but am stubbornly unwilling to give up any of it.

This challenge was most apparent over the holidays. Even after taking a three-week break from this blog, I struggled to find time to do the things that were most important to me and to my family, because it seemed every waking moment was filled with the things that were most urgent. Or, if I’m honest about my mediocre-at-best time management skills, avoiding or feeling guilty about the things that were most urgent.

During a season that’s supposed to be filled with family and fun and experience-sharing and memory-making, I felt good when, day after day, I fed my family and moved the laundry and told my kiddo I loved her.

We didn’t bake cookies.
We didn’t drive around to look at Christmas lights.
We didn’t do Truth in the Tinsel, and I ate all the candy I put in our advent boxes.
We didn’t work through a list of random acts of kindness or even fill a shoebox.
We didn’t carve pumpkins or decorate for fall or tear links off a countdown chain.

I know life isn’t about the things we do or parties we throw or the craft projects we complete. It’s not about checking things off a list, and you can’t prove your love with homemade cookies or elegantly wrapped gifts. But sometimes, when I can’t check a single thing off my list or give a single homemade gift all season, it feels bad . . . and makes me want to tell Robin Williams (or the latest unlucky person to offer the advice) where to shove his “carpe diem.”

But even though a rough year and a less-than-festive holiday season brings out my worst perfectionist, pessimistic tendencies, I decided not to lose any more sleep over it this time.

That’s why, over the past few months, I finally had to accept that this year? This year wasn’t going to be the best in terms of projects and parties and field trips and road trips. This year, we were going to be content to be together. Because we’d learned in new, hard ways that tomorrow might not come and things change and sometimes life stinks. And being together is a big deal. And even though we want to live in the moment, I just have to believe that there will be another Christmas.

Wait, what?

I know. It doesn’t make sense. How can I say in one breath that we aren’t promised tomorrow while, in the next, lean on the belief that I’ll get another chance at festive holidays? I’m not sure how it works. Logically, I suppose it doesn’t. But as my family came to the close of a darned difficult year, it was the best I could do.

And you know what? We made it. We made it through the holidays, and on Christmas day, as I lay on the couch and my husband crashed on our bed, both of us sick with an awful sinus infection, my daughter played with her new toys (most of which I’d bought at Walmart on Christmas Eve, no joke) and declared, “Mommy, this is The Best Christmas Ever!”

I couldn’t help it. I asked her why. She informed me it was the best because she’d gotten her very own sleeping bag, and I suspect the mix tape CD I made her with a Justin Bieber song (among others, thankyouverymuch) didn’t hurt.

Yeah, she’s the same kid who, two months later, is reminding me that we never carved a pumpkin. And I’m not sure I’m forgiven yet for the advent box debacle (more the fact that I ate the Hershey’s kisses than the fact that we didn’t make nativity ornaments, but still). But what really matters is what we DID do, not what we didn’t – and doing it together matters most of all.

Have you ever felt like seizing the day was too hard? Have you felt the tension between living in the moment and letting yourself off the hook for a season? Have you struggled with putting the important over the urgent – or vice versa?

Filed Under: Faith & Other Deep Thoughts Tagged With: ,
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