Alternate title: When the Going Gets Tough . . .

This week’s study was all about remembering . . . and forgetting. The homework (though I have not completed it yet, ahem!) focused on forgetting not (in other, less complicated words: remembering) God’s benefits. And the video focused on forgetting our past and ourselves.

As with most topics in this study, those of us on last night’s chat find these instructions to be difficult. Not difficult to understand. We seem to grasp the WHY of these teachings fairly easily. It’s the HOW that is proving difficult for me – and, I think, for others doing the study.

For me, personally, it’s hard to get past the surface when discussing these matters. Because you know what? Getting past the surface and actually facing what’s in my messy, dirty, dark thought closet? It’s hard. And it hurts. And I don’t like it.

There. I said it. I don’t like this process.

Please, please don’t misunderstand me. This study and the Truth it is based on are amazing. Jennifer Rothschild, the author, is sweet and wise and wonderful – and she uses all of those characteristics to hold a mirror to my heart and then point me straight to God.

But – and make sure you hear this in the right tone of voice: whining – it’s hard!

See, what I’m learning is that I have a little issue with denial. Because I was raised – even in the middle of the Midwest – to be a good Southern girl. And a good church girl. One who answers the question, “How are you?” with an “I’m fine, thanks. And you?” every time.

That’s not to say that we don’t talk feelings in my family. On the contrary, it’s often all we do. And that, strangely combined with the Southern background and church culture of my childhood, is exactly why I would just rather not rehash all the nasty stuff that’s going on inside my heart, if you don’t mind, thank you very much.

Now, I can put on my Bible Study Face and confess all my sins and dredge up long-forgotten hymns and half-memorized Scripture to meet each situation.

But the truth? Well, the truth is, friends, that I’m not really addressing my issues.

I’m doing a lot of talking and a lot of listening to my Bible study friends. But I’m not doing much praying and certainly not enough of listening to my God.

Apparently – I either believe that I can handle all my junk on my own, or I believe that my junk isn’t that bad after all. And I think it’s a little bit of both.

One of the things that Jennifer said in the video that accompanies last week’s chapter was this: When we are full of ourselves, we dishonor God and we are the most miserable.

I think that’s the place I’m sitting squarely in. Full of myself, but standing my ground. Because taking a step outside of that spot to dig deeper into truth and reality and issues? Is scary.

There you have it: I’m scared. I don’t like this study. It’s hard. This stuff hurts.

And as scary as it was to admit all that to you, it’s even scarier to think about truly opening up my heart and really leaning on God to work through this thought closet renovation.

But I’m going to do it. Partly because I don’t like to be a quitter. And partly because I so enjoy our Monday night chats and can’t imagine dropping out on you. But also because this is what I need to do. God didn’t bring me to this study for no reason. It’s no accident that I found this book and found a group of ladies to join me in working through it.

So I’ll keep on keeping on. Will you?

[For those of you not struggling quite so desperately, I also discuss this week’s lesson at To Live Beautiful, where I ask: What tangible things do you use to remind yourself of God’s blessings in your life?]

This post is linked to What I Learned This Week.

I searched for a photo of a group hug, because I thought that illustrated tonight’s chat. When I found this photo of beautiful little girls, holding hands and dancing, well, I thought that it might just be the perfect picture of how God sees us. What do you think?

Thanks to all the ladies who joined us tonight. What a great conversation we had!! I know a couple of you mentioned looking forward to my recap, but to be honest, I’m still processing a lot of what we talked about, so I’ll keep this brief.

First, if you’re just now joining us, you can read all the posts about our online study of Me, Myself & Lies (including weekly recaps). We’ve got a great group of ladies going through the book and discussing it each week, and we are always open to anyone who wants to jump in.

To purchase the book, you can get it at your local Lifeway store or on the Lifeway website. And if you’d like to download each week’s video (there is a cost), you can also get that on the Lifeway site. And if you have the book but not the videos, you can still get the answers for the last page of each chapter by downloading the (FREE) listening guide answers.

As for tonight’s discussion – wow. On one hand, it’s clearly no accident (duh!) that we are studying this topic. As we laughed about during the chat – all God’s women got issues, and this group is not immune! But on the other hand, these Monday night chats are really turning into a great, supportive environment where we can come and work through the issues that our study is addressing.

Thank you to the women who are participating. You are awesome, and I just love you!

One of the first things we discussed is that most of us are behind in the homework. Part of this (at least for me) is due to life’s circumstances and busy summers. But most of the reason is actually that this study is so dense, so full of material and truth to chew on, that it takes longer than just one day to process one lesson.

And I think that’s okay.

We talked about a couple different topics tonight. Rather than repeat all our words verbatim, I’m going to throw out a few bullets here and ask that everyone join in the discussion in the comments.

• Dealing with self-talk issues is overwhelming and, at times, feels impossible.
• But, we know that we can do all things with God. And it’s less overwhelming if we take this growing and changing process one day (or baby step) at a time.
• God has made each of us, giving us individual personalities. Some of us are more passionate and fiery than others – but we all need to make sure that “fire” is the righteous kind of passion God wants.
• We must be alert, guarding our souls (thought closets) to keep out the negative stuff.
• If we don’t pay attention, we might not even notice the bad stuff that’s in there. But the scary thing is – even if we don’t know it, everyone around us can see it.
• This is why we need a true accountability partner – something that none of us in tonight’s chat have at the moment. Our prayer this week is that God will lead each of us to a person who will support and encourage us in our walk with God. And as we discussed, we have to remember that accountability is serious business and we shouldn’t jump into a relationship without seeking God’s guidance.
• Questions that accountability partners could ask (per the study video): What do you see in my life that encourages you? What do you see in my life that you’d like to caution me about? Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?
• Week 4 talks about speaking peace to ourselves. Most of us on the chat admitted that we are no good at that! So rather than dwell on that as a failing, we agreed to search the Scripture this week and find a verse that will help us speak peace.
• We also talked briefly about how we present ourselves to the world as having it together, being happy, being perfect – both online and offline – and how that’s hurting everyone. Being authentic will not only free us to be ourselves and experience true growth and real intimacy, but it will also allow our friends to have perspective and be authentic themselves.

Do you have an accountability partner? Does trying to work through your issues get overwhelming? How do you speak peace to your soul?

I do not have an accountability partner, and to be honest, I’m scared to open myself up to someone like that. Working through my issues is always overwhelming, and my typical reaction is denial. I just push the issues down – with food, with TV, with internet, with talking – and pretend like they’re not there. And speaking peace? Well, sometimes I can do this – remembering truth and reciting scripture. But more often, I am much better at speaking fire and getting myself all riled up. So, I’m going to be finding a verse this week to help me calm down and listen to God and accept His peace.

What about you?

I missed you all on tonight’s chat! Here are some questions. Let’s discuss in the comments.

• Do you have issues? (I sure do!)
• Does your issue define you or refine you?
• How can your relationship with or your understanding of God make a difference in your self-talk, when it comes to your issue?

In the video for this week, Jennifer talked about a survey she took of her 3,000 newsletter readers. Those women responded about their various issues, and the top two were self-image and rejection (or a desire to be accepted). Can you relate to that? (I sure can!)

Tell me what you thought about these last two weeks of the study. I’ll be honest: I haven’t finished the homework for Week 3. But I really want to hear about what God’s been teaching you over these last couple of weeks. Please chat with us in the comments!

As you (hopefully) know by now, I had some internet connectivity problems last night and had to postpone our live chat. Well, I went home over lunch and tried to log on – and could not. So, rather than continue to tentatively plan on chatting tonight, I’m going to cancel this week’s chat.

I’m so sorry.

This means that we won’t chat until Monday, July 6 (because I am out of town on vacation next week). Please, PLEASE come back!! :) On July 6, we’ll have LOTS to talk about – we’ll touch on Week 2 and we’ll delve into Week 3.

• We all have labels in our lives – words we believe (true or not, uplifting or not) describe us. What are YOUR labels? Where did they come from?
• Some labels are true. (I am a woman.) Some labels are false. (I am stupid.) I believe the author of our study was saying in Week 2 that often we develop false labels based on how we react and process true labels – leaving us with labels of FAITH (true) or FATE (false). Can you think of an example of this in your own life?
• I love, love, love how the author encourages us to focus on Romans 12:2: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
• Are you a Pharisee? Do you focus on cleaning your outside while leaving your inside dirty? (Matthew 23:25-26)
• Many of us make choices and develop habits based on faulty assumptions, just like the author did when, as a child, she thought angels were attending the Catholic church down the street. I know I often operate on faulty assumptions (I can do it myself. I must be perfect to be lovable. If I can’t lose weight, I’m a loser.) a lot. What about you?
• And last but not least, we read this week about roots and fruits. What are the fruits of your faulty assumptions and fate labels? What can you do to get rid of them – at the root?

We ARE loved! How would our thoughts change if we really believed that?

• Our words have influence, but only God’s words have power.
• Who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing.
• Calling yourself negative names is a sin and hurts God.
• The truth is always gracious and authoritative. Likewise, to be like Christ is to be full of grace and truth.

• What is something in my thought closet that reminds me of God’s wonders and His word?
• How have you experienced Jesus’ gracious words or His truth and authority?
• What “I am” statement has been in your thought closet the longest? Is it true? Does it belong? Should you keep it?