Missing Your Kids While You’re at Work

When my daughter was four months old, I began a new job. Because I’d been laid off shortly before delivering Annalyn and was scraping the bottom of the budget barrel, I was relieved and ready to start right away.

But first I had to find someone to take care of my tiny baby while I went to work.

Thankfully, we quickly found a babysitter who became an extended family member and made my transition to work seamless. But while I felt secure in my daughter’s care and was thankful to have a job, I still missed that sweet face during the day!

I know many of you feel called to be stay-at-home moms. I’ve had several friends share that when they worked, they felt guilty for spending so much time away from their family. And when you’re feeling that pull from home, but unable to leave your job – for financial reasons or otherwise – I can only imagine how frustrating it must be.

That wasn’t the case for me, though. I enjoy working and did not necessarily feel that staying home with my daughter was the right choice for our family. I’ll admit, though, that at that point it was an easy choice when faced with bills that well outweighed one salary.

Nevertheless, the tension I felt when I thought of my baby girl as I sat in my cubicle wasn’t borne of guilt or regret. It simply stemmed from missing her while we were apart.

To be honest, I’d forgotten about that time until my friend Sarah e-mailed me. She’d just returned to her job – that she loves – after her maternity leave, and she wanted to know how to deal with missing her baby. Since my days are currently filled with hour upon hour of in-my-face, on-my-lap, talking-without-ceasing quality time with my darling girl, it took me a moment to truly remember how it felt back then.

But I do remember. And even if you love your job, it’s HARD.

My way to cope was to fill my desk space with photos of Annalyn.
Some framed, some taped, some on my computer screen – I surrounded myself with her little face. I also was fortunate enough to spend many lunch breaks with Annalyn and Mark, which really helped me. (And, I’ll be honest, thinking of how hard it was to listen to her cry during bouts of teething or time changes kind of took the edge off, too.)

It’s been a few months since my friend asked me about this, so she’s probably figured out her own coping mechanisms for making it through the day without baby snuggles. But I can’t imagine she’s the only person dealing with the issue of missing her kids while she’s at work. So will you help out and share your experience?

What helps you feel connected to your kids and avoid missing them (as much) while you’re at work?

This post will be linked to Works for Me Wednesday at We Are THAT Family.

Wednesdays at Work: The bathroom situation

Who out there was an Ally McBeal fan? Do you remember their unisex bathroom? How weird was THAT?

Maybe it’s progressive or hip or mature. (Or sumpin’, as my daughter is STILL saying.) But I think it’s just . . . icky. And awkward. Extremely awkward.

Because sometimes you need to do bathroom business alone. Am I right? Okay, of course I’m right. You know what I’m talking about.

I’ve worked in several different offices over the years, and in addition to the office’s proximity to conveniences like a gas station and post office, the bathroom situation is also a huge determining factor in just how much I like any particular office.

Bathroom Situation #1

In my first “real” job, a handicapped bathroom – full walls and door, total privacy – was located just across the hall from the regular women’s three-stall restroom. Now that was handy.

Except for the time my co-worker was walking up to the door right as I was exiting. I guess it’s true what the book says, but still. Awkward!

Bathroom Situation #2 (No pun intended. Don’t be gross.)

At my next job, my office was located in the third floor of an old building that also housed a movie theater. My office had shiny, noisy concrete floors, and the bathroom walls didn’t go all the way to the vaulted ceilings. So, pretty much everything that took place in the bathroom – from gossip and crying to flossing and flushing – echoed throughout one side of the office.

I was so thankful when my co-workers told me about the second-floor bathroom – and even better, the hidden, first-floor bathroom. Luckily, the building’s first floor held not just the theater but also lots of hallways, twists and turns, and nooks and crannies. And an old, isolated, slightly scary bathroom.

Sure, it may not have always had soap, and you may have always wondered who you would run into back in that dark corner of the building. But isolated can be a good thing when you need your privacy.

So that was handy, too . . . until the day that the toilet wouldn’t flush. I still feel bad about that. (Because, really, there’s no telling when that situation was discovered. I know. Let’s move on.)

Bathroom Situation #3

In my current job, my office is located in an old farmhouse that was also previously a restaurant. We have a few random hallways, nooks and crannies here, too – but at least they’re well-lit.

For the first year and a half, I sat just outside the second floor handicapped bathroom. It’s a big room, so it’s roomy, you know? But it’s also an acoustical nightmare and echoes every sound like nobody’s business. Except what goes on in there becomes everybody’s business.

Seriously. That was NOT pleasant. I was so glad to move into another, out-of-bathroom-earshot desk!

Have you ever had a bathroom situation at the office?

This post will be linked to Works for Me Wednesday, because a good bathroom situation at the office works for me! And for more on bathroom situations, check out The Secret Bathroom at Church from Stuff Christians Like.

Bathroom image by cote.

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Weekend Links, 8.21.10

This post will be linked to Saturday Stumbles at It’s Come 2 This. What’s the best thing you’ve read – or written – lately?

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Do You Regret That Choice?

A few years ago, I endured the Worst Interview Ever.

It had been three months since I delivered my premature baby girl. And three months since I got laid off from my supposed-to-be dream job. With the lovely mix of snow and ice that only true Midwesterners can appreciate, the weather was bad enough that schools were closed and roads were empty.

Except for me. Because I was not about to miss this interview.

After risking life and limb to drive to the office where my meeting was scheduled, I started things off on the absolute wrong foot by declining to shake the interviewer’s hand. I had a nasty cold, and I thought I was being considerate. He thought I was being rude.

I should’ve known then that this would not end well.

To read the rest of my story, head over to (in)courage.

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The Best Time to Resign

This is pretty much exactly how I look when resigning from a job. Exactly.

I’ve quit a lot of jobs.

But don’t you dare call me a quitter. Or a job hopper. Reasonable or not, that criticism gets me going like no other. Perhaps because I’m afraid it might be true.

My first official, get-a-paycheck job was at the public library one town over from mine. I started working there the summer after my sophomore year and quit during my senior year.

I’d been thinking about quitting because I was so busy during that last year of high school, but the tipping point was when I got in trouble for talking to friends who stopped by to visit. I decided if I couldn’t do whatever I wanted, it wasn’t worth it. In my defense, I was a teenager with a teenager’s typical lack of wisdom.

[I know. Which one is more shocking – that I got in trouble for talking too much or that I quit over it?]

The next several jobs I had were temporary in nature, so leaving doesn’t really fall under the “quitting” category. (Although for those four weeks I worked at McDonald’s, I can tell you I spent my entire shift calculating exactly how many more hours I needed to work to pay my bills.)

I was sad to leave the Chamber of Commerce and my college’s registrar’s office, but not so sad to leave my summer jobs as a waitress and a Walmart cashier.

After graduating college and moving back to Kansas City, I had a hard time finding the type of job I wanted. Strangely, though, the bills didn’t stop coming, so I took a job at a staffing company. Ironically, I spent those three months helping other people find jobs.

When at long last I found the type of job I was looking for – planning non-profit events – I was ecstatic. Not only would I be putting my education and passion to good use, but I’d be escaping the monotonous and excruciating job I’d been enduring.

[If only I’d known a) how much longer it would take me to find future jobs and b) how not excrutiating that job actually was. Ahhh, foolish youth. And hindsight. And all that good stuff.]

Unfortunately, when it came time to put in my two weeks’ notice, I realized the timing could not be any worse. Shortly before that two-week date arrived, I was scheduled for my three-month review. The next day, my manager was leaving for a week-long vacation that would put her back just about 10 days before my planned last day.

I had a choice: I could either keep quiet and not give a full two week’s notice – or muck up both my performance review and my manager’s vacation by telling her early that I’d be leaving.

I chose to give my full notice in that review, before my manager’s vacation. The next day, the company’s owner told me that I’d ruined my manager’s vacation and I should just leave without finishing my two weeks.

So much for doing the right thing.

The next time I quit a job, I found myself in a similar boat. I left that first dream job to go to graduate school, so I knew for a few months that I’d be leaving. I was heartbroken to give up my job that I truly loved, but I felt that God had given me an amazing opportunity I’d be foolish to ignore.

It was hard to keep my impending exit a secret, but what complicated matters was the possibility of a training conference. My boss, unaware that I wouldn’t be with the organization much longer, was considering sending me to a conference before the time I’d leave.

I didn’t feel right spending the organization’s money when I knew I wouldn’t be using that training, so I ended up giving nine weeks’ notice. [And returning after one semester of graduate school, but that’s a story for another time!]

Since then, I’ve written several resignation letters and left several jobs. The process is different every time, and so are my feelings surrounding it.

When I left grad school (and my teaching commitment), I felt like a failure.
When I left that first non-profit job (for good), I felt like a failure again. And angry. And scared.
When I left my first advertising agency job, I felt relief.
When I left my second agency job, I was disappointed and confused. And excited.

Have you quit many jobs? How did you feel?

Photos from the 2002 movie that Smitty hated but I loved (despite its incorrect title punctuation), Two Weeks Notice.

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