Lead, Follow or Get Out of the Way?

12:02 am ByFiled UnderWork & Career

oranges

A couple years ago, after I’d been at my last job for a while, one of my relatives asked me how I liked the job. I hemmed and hawed until I finally admitted that it wasn’t great. I shot off a few reasons, and then he said something I’ve never been able to shake:

“Are you sure the problem isn’t YOU?”

I don’t remember how I responded in that moment, but I’m sure it was edging toward rude. I mean, how was I supposed to react when someone – someone who’s supposed to be on my side – puts into words my biggest fear? As if it might be true and not just an irrational lie concocted by my insecurities?

I thought about this when I attended The Orange Conference a couple months ago. One of the sessions I chose was called Becoming the Leader You Were Meant to Be. Led by Jeanne Stevens, pastor and church planter at Soul City Church in Chicago, the presentation was both inspiring and convicting – exactly what you’d expect from a conference, right?

Jeanne talked about good leaders having solid identity (who am I – and who am I not?) and character (doing the right thing, even when it’s hard), as well as recognizing and working around – or with – their leadership liabilities. And then she hit her last point.

I’m not 100% sure she talked the longest on this topic, but I sure took the most notes about it. Jeanne said that following leads to great leading.

She went on to describe the difference between foolish following and wise following, and I realized something. In much of my career, I have followed foolishly.

According to Jeanne, foolish following includes a judgmental spirit and gossip, while wise following involves honest communication, healthy loyalty and heartfelt prayer.

I’ve had a lot of lousy managers and bosses. Or, in hindsight, competent managers and bosses whose personalities didn’t really click with mine. But no matter what the problem, I can tell you this: When I found myself in those situations, I spent a lot more time judging and gossiping than I did praying for them.

Ugggggghhhhhh.

Sometimes I really hate facing the truth about myself.

A couple years ago, I interviewed for a position at a great company that would’ve taken my career in a new, exciting direction. It involved a proofreading test – and I’m pretty sure I nailed it. But during the actual interview, the manager asked me, “Do you prefer to lead or to follow?”

We both laughed, because the answer was apparent from the things I’d already shared with her. For me, leading comes as naturally as finding punctuation errors and spelling words I’ve never used. But following? That’s a little harder.

The truth is – I really like to be in charge. And while that can be a strength and used for good, it can also hold me back and frustrate me to no end.

After being at my last job for a while and realizing that it was not going to suddenly morph into my dream job, I determined to learn as much as I could from what was not an ideal situation. And one of the things I walked away from that position with was a better understanding of leadership – and the part that following plays in it.

I’m not saying that I’m perfect at following or leading. No, I’m pretty much still a bossy control freak. But I’m working on my attitude and the way I approach my relationships with the leaders in my life, and it makes a difference. Looking for ways to learn from and support a leader is not just humbling; it’s also empowering.

And a heck of a lot less frustrating than banging my head against a wall after every single decision I disagree with and then running to vent about it to my friends.

No matter what kind of manager I work for next or what leaders I have the privilege to follow next, I really am looking forward to following wisely. And someday, I hope to have the opportunity to lead wisely.

Are you a leader? Do you find it difficult to follow [wisely]? Have you ever made it a habit to pray for a manager or boss – even if you didn’t agree with them?

Here are a few more articles about what I learned at Orange:

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Good Enough is the New Perfect {GIVEAWAY}

4:13 am ByFiled UnderBooks, TV, Music & Movies, Reviews & Giveaways, Work & Career

Update: The winner of this giveaway is Kelli Stubbe. Congratulations, Kelli!


“Unrelenting perfectionism is a liability – and overcoming it is the key to leading a well-rounded and satisfying life. Perfectionism [is] the single greatest roadblock to juggling work and family…” (page 7)

Good Enough is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood by Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple is a nonfiction book about how the working moms of our generation are redefining success and taking control. And I loved it.

The authors conducted extensive qualitative research, asking in-depth questions of moms from all over the country about how they manage, balance, juggle their work and family lives. What they found – in a nutshell – is that the women fell into two general categories: perfectionists and those satisfied with “good enough.” This book details their findings in a fascinating and mostly encouraging way, giving example after example of how women have found peace, satisfaction and fulfillment by redefining “all,” “best” and various other terms that keep the perfectionists from creating – and enjoying – the lives they want.

Amazon describes the book like this:

We’re the generation destined to have it all—a great job, the perfect family and the time to enjoy both. But between the conference calls and soccer practices, do you feel like you’ve lost track of what really makes you happy? And are you finding out the hard way that you can’t do everything?

The truth is that you can have it all.

The secret is creating an “all” that you love.

Join a growing new wave of mothers who are learning to let go of the little things and focus on what they really want out of their career, their family and their life. Through their groundbreaking research, Becky Beaupre Gillespie and Hollee Schwartz Temple have discovered a paradigm shift in motherhood today: more and more mothers are losing their “never enough” attitude and embracing a Good Enough mindset to be happier, more confident and more successful. Filled with inspiring firsthand accounts from working mothers and drawn from the latest research, Good Enough Is the New Perfect is a true roadmap for the incredible balancing act we call motherhood.

Becky and Hollee have created not just a book but a whole movement and community. You can check it all out at their blog, The New Perfect. You can also follow them on Twitter at @beckyinbalance and @holleeinbalance.

As I read through this book, I didn’t necessarily identify with every woman featured or quoted. Many of them are currently working in high-profile, high-pressure (high-income) jobs, whereas I’m a stay-at-home mom who recently left a job for which I was overqualified and underpaid. Each chapter, however, presented a theme that inevitably touched on one part or another of my life, and the insights never failed to make me think.

Because I loved the book, I devoured it in about two days – and then wished I’d taken more time to process it all. So this summer, I’m going to work through some of the questions, theories and stories the book raised by holding discussions on my blog. My plan is to post one question per chapter (approximately) once a week between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Whether you work outside the home or inside it (or both!), I hope you’ll join me in looking at how we can all balance our work and family better, how we can all find our own “new perfect.”

I’m giving away a copy of Good Enough is the New Perfect to one reader. To enter the giveaway, leave a comment answering this question:

What ways have you (or would like to) found success and happiness by redefining perfect?

This giveaway will close on Saturday, May 21. This post contains affiliate links.

Wednesdays at Work: Page One

3:59 am ByFiled UnderWork & Career

Other than bottles of Mountain Dew and a handful of cassette tapes, I’m not sure what I spent my first paychecks on. It was probably something both exciting and important, like a new sparkly banana clip.

Regardless of where the money went, I definitely remember how excited I was to start earning it. Those middle school days of babysitting and assisting a local photographer (and friend of my parents) introduced me to the world of making money. And even at that young age, I equated having my own money with freedom and independence.

That’s why, being the independent young woman I was, my top priority for my first summer after turning sixteen was to find a “real” fill-out-a-timesheet and get-an-actual-check job. I remember my mom’s rules for that first job hunt: no gas stations or video stores. (Looking back, that was pretty good advice.) She had no need to worry, though, because I found a job that fit me perfectly: working at the local library.

I’m pretty sure you won’t be shocked to learn that I was a nerd even back then. I’ve always loved to read, I treasure my spelling bees medals to this day, and by the time I graduated high school, I was captain of the academic team. I know.

Working as a library page was a great fit for me in so many ways. My main job was to put returned books back on the shelves, which meant I got to do two things I love: put things in order and snag the best books before they went back into circulation! Unfortunately, working in a library – especially for the bottom-of-the-rung pages – was not exactly conducive to my tendency to talk (a lot).

Eventually, my school schedule got too intense to maintain a part-time job (and I couldn’t handle getting in trouble for talking one more time), and I resigned from my job at the library.

But to this day, I love the library. Last week, I was there three times. I am a pro at finding and reserving books online and on days my library’s self checkout isn’t malfunctioning (so, you know, about half the time), I can be in and out of the library in mere minutes, leaving with a stack of books in hand and a nerdy smile on my face.

I’ve had a lot (a LOT) of jobs since then, but the library will always hold a special place in my heart. What was YOUR first job? Does it hold a special place in your heart – or were you glad to see the last of that place?

By the way, that photo up there is of the Kansas City Public Library’s downtown parking garage. Every time I’m downtown, I try to drive by it – even if I have to go several blocks out of my way – just because I think it’s so cool. And, yes, I realize that says something about my own level of coolness. But, look! Giant books!

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Missing Your Kids While You’re at Work

9:36 pm ByFiled UnderMarriage, Parenting, Family & Friendship, Work & Career

When my daughter was four months old, I began a new job. Because I’d been laid off shortly before delivering Annalyn and was scraping the bottom of the budget barrel, I was relieved and ready to start right away.

But first I had to find someone to take care of my tiny baby while I went to work.

Thankfully, we quickly found a babysitter who became an extended family member and made my transition to work seamless. But while I felt secure in my daughter’s care and was thankful to have a job, I still missed that sweet face during the day!

I know many of you feel called to be stay-at-home moms. I’ve had several friends share that when they worked, they felt guilty for spending so much time away from their family. And when you’re feeling that pull from home, but unable to leave your job – for financial reasons or otherwise – I can only imagine how frustrating it must be.

That wasn’t the case for me, though. I enjoy working and did not necessarily feel that staying home with my daughter was the right choice for our family. I’ll admit, though, that at that point it was an easy choice when faced with bills that well outweighed one salary.

Nevertheless, the tension I felt when I thought of my baby girl as I sat in my cubicle wasn’t borne of guilt or regret. It simply stemmed from missing her while we were apart.

To be honest, I’d forgotten about that time until my friend Sarah e-mailed me. She’d just returned to her job – that she loves – after her maternity leave, and she wanted to know how to deal with missing her baby. Since my days are currently filled with hour upon hour of in-my-face, on-my-lap, talking-without-ceasing quality time with my darling girl, it took me a moment to truly remember how it felt back then.

But I do remember. And even if you love your job, it’s HARD.

My way to cope was to fill my desk space with photos of Annalyn. Some framed, some taped, some on my computer screen – I surrounded myself with her little face. I also was fortunate enough to spend many lunch breaks with Annalyn and Mark, which really helped me. (And, I’ll be honest, thinking of how hard it was to listen to her cry during bouts of teething or time changes kind of took the edge off, too.)

It’s been a few months since my friend asked me about this, so she’s probably figured out her own coping mechanisms for making it through the day without baby snuggles. But I can’t imagine she’s the only person dealing with the issue of missing her kids while she’s at work. So will you help out and share your experience?

What helps you feel connected to your kids and avoid missing them (as much) while you’re at work?

This post will be linked to Works for Me Wednesday at We Are THAT Family.

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How to Avoid Post-Conference Slump

10:39 pm ByFiled UnderBlogging & Social Media, Uncategorized, Work & Career

blissdom 2011

Four days ago, I arrived home. I was full of ideas and inspiration, and I couldn’t wait to hug my kiddo (and husband).

Today, I feel dull and irritated, completely unmotivated and uninspired. And I actually put my darling daughter to bed half an hour early just to end the whining on Snow Day #2.

It’s official: I’m in a post-conference slump.

My house is a mess, I’ve yet to implement a single new idea I learned last week, and I have managed to consume an obscene number of cookies that were supposed to go to church on Monday. Before the snowstorm of the century closed the church, that is.

The funny thing is I actually started writing this post before leaving town last week. Because I suspect I’m not the only one who comes home from a conference, business trip or vacation feeling less than rested and refreshed.

Too bad I haven’t followed my own advice. Just in case I can help you, here are a few tips. Don’t be like me. Avoid the post-conference slump next time you go out of town.

Get your rest. This actually starts before you even leave home. Don’t stay up late packing. (Don’t be like me.) Avoid super early flights if you can. That way, when you don’t get your regular seven hours or so – because who really sleeps well when sharing a room with virtual strangers (or, in the case of a blogging conference, virtual friends) and partaking in late-night parties? I mean, networking events.

Also – get some rest after you get home, too. Take a nap. Go to bed early. Or both, if you’re really lucky.

Stay hydrated. Hotels – and some conferences – are so terribly dry! Drink as much and often as possible while you’re there – and I’m only talking about water. You’ll probably need to drink more water than normal after getting home, too.

Take good notes. You might think something is so clever or poignant or funny or helpful that you’ll never forget it. But you will. By the time you get home, your brain will be mush and you’ll need all the help you can get remembering all the incredible information you just received. So whether it’s on your laptop, a shiny new iPad or good, old-fashioned pen and paper, write it down.

Download on someone. As soon as you can, get the words out. You’ve been saving them up during the whole trip, right? Your observations, the surprises, the disappointments, your favorite parts, your new favorite person, your least favorite speaker? Tell someone. Now. Before you explode.

Write a review or summary or recap. Difficult though it may be (for some of us), put it on paper now. Whether it’s minutes for a business meeting or a blog post about a social media conference, get it wrapped up as soon as possible. You’ll feel better when you do. Believe me.

Follow-up with your new friends. You’ve got a stack of business cards sitting next to your suitcase, don’t you? (I’m kidding. I know you already unpacked and put away your suitcase, because you’re not like me.) Pull them up and get started shooting those new friends an e-mail. You’ll be more likely to remember all those new faces if you follow up now, and besides, who won’t like getting a message about how much you enjoyed meeting them?

Fill out the evaluation form. Whether your conference was amazing, awful or somewhere in between, take the time to fill out the evaluation form and share your insights with the people in charge. It’s one more way to organize your thoughts – and it’s constructive, too. Just be nice, okay? Even if you have some suggestions for improvement, remember how much work – and heart – likely went into planning the event, perfect or not.

Make a to-do list – with a timeline. You can’t implement every new idea you heard right away. And it’s tempting to give into the overwhelming nature of all the inspiration and education by pulling the covers back over your head and, oh I don’t know, not blogging for a week. Or by ignoring your child who just wants her mother to entertain her during another snow day, isthattoomuchtoask, in favor of frantically applying every new tip you heard and then some.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

So, again, don’t be like me. Make a list of all the new things you want to do and give yourself some time. And finally . . .

Remember that you can’t do it all. And there WILL be another conference, seminar, retreat or class.

And with that, I’m off to bed. Because as of tomorrow, I’m taking this advice and getting myself back in gear. After all, what choice do I have? All the cookies are gone.

Photo credit.

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