Making New Friends Anyway {inRL}

A couple weeks ago we took a road trip to visit friends for the weekend. You may recall I mentioned them, saying they “had the nerve to move away.” Yes, I said it. Because honestly? I get really annoyed when people I love move away.

I’m not mad at them, of course. Or any of my friends who have moved across town or the country, or any of my friends who never lived here in the first place and refuse to move next door to me.

But the hard, grown-up fact that I can’t gather all the people I love the most and force them to live with me, like we’re in the dorm at college? I kind of hate that.

Every time a friend moves away, I tell myself that’s it. I’m done. I’m not making any new friends. Because you know what? They’ll just leave. They’ll get a new job, go to a different church, go on a mission trip and never come home.

I’ve been pretty comfortable in that big baby scaredy cat mindset, too. But earlier this year, a sermon about this very thing hit me between the eyes.

The topic was connecting and community, so I didn’t have to work hard to apply the message to my longing for close relationships and fear that they’ll only end in hurt and “I miss you, please move back” emails. And it’s not like I’d never noticed that Jesus had close friends – close friends he knew would hurt him in the end. But I hadn’t really thought about the fact that while Jesus knew Judas would betray him and Peter would deny him, He chose to love them and live with them anyway.

After I was smacked in the face with that message, though, I felt frustrated. Sure, I get it. Community is important and relationships are worth the possible hurt I might encounter along the way. But how on earth do I make that happen?

There was a time when I was rolling in friends. I had work friends and church friends. I had single friends and couple friends. I had high school friends and college friends and new friends. (Notice how I didn’t call you “old friends,” lovely ladies from high school and college!)

Today is a different story.

Today is sporadic emails and Facebook messages instead of spontaneous happy hours. Today is scheduling a girls’ night out two months in advance only to cancel at the last minute because of a sick kiddo. Today is, “I haven’t seen you in forever!” and “We should get together soon. Yeah, we should.” Today is realizing that I have closer relationships with the people I Skype and tweet than the people I sit next to in church and drive past at the preschool.

Today is hard.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about?

Maybe you miss girls nights out or scrapbooking retreats or book clubs or coffee dates. Maybe your friends have moved away or drifted away. Maybe you’ve always had a hard time finding friends to connect with – or finding time to connect with your friends. Maybe it’s a little bit of all of the above. I know it is for me.

That’s why I love what (in)courage is doing in a few months.

(in)RL is going to be a day of (in)courage meetups all around the country and globe and a webcast for everyone to tune into. Women will gather to watch live webcasts of (in)courage contributors and community, connect with each other and discover new friendships they didn’t know were right around the corner.

On Saturday, April 28, thousands of (in)courage women all over the world will be getting together in homes, coffee shops, restaurants, or churches to connect in real life.

And even though it’s hard – and not a little bit scary – I’m going to host an (in)RL meetup. What about you? Will you attend a meetup or even host one?

Sure, those new friends might live across town. Or be different from you. Or hurt your feelings someday. Or move away and never call, never write. But what if they don’t? Or what if they do, but they also give great hugs and listen with their whole hearts and watch chick flicks with you and drink coffee with you at any hour of the day?

Let’s do this. Let’s reach out and connect in real life. Let’s make new friends anyway.

[Oh, hey! If you're worried about planning a get-together, check out my ebook, Plan a Fabulous Party {without losing your mind}!]

Here are the links you need for (in)RL:

(in)RL website
(in)RL Q&A
Register for (in)RL
Host an (in)RL meetup

And don’t miss this great trailer video:

This post is part of a progressive blog tour. Don’t miss Sarah Mae’s post from yesterday or Arianne’s post tomorrow!

Do you find it hard to make friends anyway? Are you going to – or hosting – an (in)RL meetup? Will you come to mine???

P.S. I can’t remember who took the photo up above. It’s from Relevant, and I’d love to give credit where credit’s due. So if it’s yours, please let me know!

Broccoli, Jello & Other Girl Stuff

My daughter is a girly girl. Somehow, I gave birth to this child who loves all things pink, purple, pretty and princess – even though I’m just about as UNgirly as a woman can be.

I don’t paint my nails.
I don’t use product in my hair.
I don’t wear lace or ruffles or pastels.
I don’t giggle. Or scream.
I never owned a Barbie doll.
And I don’t sew.

Okay, maybe sewing (or not) has nothing to do with femininity. And I realize that those other points are stereotypical. But I’m really not into all those typical girly things. (Except romance novels. And chocolate. And goodness knows, I cry all the stinking time. But other than that . . .)

So to have this child who, despite my best efforts to ignore the World of Pink, is determined to be as twirly and sparkly as possible? It really boggles my mind.

To be honest, though, I kind of love it. Loving pink and glitter and tiaras and baby dolls is fun. And even if it doesn’t come naturally, I sort of like being silly and fun and carefree with my little girl.

It’s not like we only play princess games at our house, though. (In case you’re getting concerned or wondering who I am and what I did with the Mary you know.) As much as she loved the Strawberry Shortcake dolls and twirly, sparkly dress she got for Christmas, Annalyn loves – and plays with – her new tool kit and firefighter costume just as much.

Learning to love pink and everything that includes has actually helped me lighten up a bit. [Shut up. I said "a bit"!] For most of my life, I’ve equated serious with mature, reserved with responsible. But it’s possible, I’m learning, that letting loose and having fun doesn’t mean I’m frivolous or shallow. And you know what I think? A little glitter never hurt anyone.

And if my pretty pink princess girly girl thinks that a bra is called “broccoli” and hair gel is called “Jell-O,” well, that’s not all that bad, either. [For now.]

Are you a girly girl? Do you have any kids who are really different than you? How do you feel about glitter?

Stupid toys.

I was surprised to find a new Parents magazine in my mailbox the other day. Though it pains me to do so, I’ve decided to let all my magazine subscriptions expire, and I thought I’d reached the end of all of them.

[Yes, not too long ago, I had subscriptions to Parents, Parenting, Taste of Home and Every Day with Rachael Ray. Oh, and Family Fun. I think that's all.]

I love magazines, but I read through them in about 30 minutes and then toss them in the recycling. Not exactly the best use of my money. (As opposed to my husband’s car magazines, which reside in our . . . well, in a room of the house for many, many days.)

Anyway, I finally opened up this unexpected issue of parenting advice, and I saw the news: Mr. Potato Head is turning 60 this year.

Seeing that, I remembered that most people apparently love the Potato Heads. The Hasbro website even calls them, “endearing potato pals that have captured the hearts, imaginations and laughter of kids for generations.”

I might have agreed with that, had my child not received a Mrs. Potato Head a couple years ago. After all, I have pleasant memories of playing with an old potato head doll at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Those memories tend to be fuzzy, blurred with cousins I now only see at holidays and retro colors that actually still cover my grandma’s house. But we had fun with Mr. Potato Head. I think.

And maybe we did. But the Mrs. Potato Head we have? She is an annoying, pointless piece of plastic.

There. I said it. I don’t like Mr. – or Mrs. – Potato Head. The plastic parts are so stiff that it takes forever – and elbow grease that a small child certainly does not possess – to stick the parts into the potato. And once you finally get them in there? Then what? You have a potato head with weird features, appendages and accessories and it does . . . what? Nothing.

And don’t get me started on the fact that all those pieces – the ones that came together in one box – don’t even all fit on our stupid lady potato.

Don’t be lecturing me about creativity, either. I get it. We could pretend that the potato head could talk. Or shop. Or something. But you know what? My daughter has an extremely active imagination, engaging in pretend play pretty much every waking hour of her day, but that potato? It never leaves the toy box.

[Parenthetical disclaimer: Thank you to the sweet neighbors who gave my child her lady potato. It was kind and generous, and we still love you and every other toy you ever gave her. Ditto to my brother-in-law who contributed the next victim of my toy rant.]

All this ranting has led me to think about the many, many toys I find irritating. Need I remind you of my feelings about this cat?

Unfortunately, in a Parent of the Year moment, Mark and I let our feelings show about this creepy robot cat that has double-jointed legs and sheds clingy plastic hair all over the house. And I found myself in this pitiful conversation with my four-year-old:

Annalyn: Mommy, my cat isn’t stupid.
Me: Ummm, okay. Why are you saying that?
Annalyn: Daddy said my cat is stupid. But she’s not. I love her.
Me: Oh. Well, um, that wasn’t nice, was it?
Annalyn: NO!
Me: And, remember, I don’t want to hear you say the word, “stupid.”
Annalyn: But, but, but . . .
Me: I know, you were just repeating what Daddy said.
Annalyn: WHY would he say that, Mommy? We don’t say that word in our family!
Me: I know, baby. I’m sure he’s sorry.

Stupid cat. First she is annoying with her mere existence, and now she’s getting Mark in trouble for calling her names (and *gasp!* saying words we don’t say in our family).

I know I’m not alone in my dislike of certain toys. On Sunday we went to a birthday party for one of Annalyn’s friends, and her mom was not nearly as thrilled with the craft-project-in-a-box present that one mom brought. (Or my six-pack of puzzles, complete with many tiny pieces of cardboard princess fun, to be honest.)

So, what kind of toys – or games – do you despise? Which ones get on your nerves or drive you up a wall? Noisy toys? Toys with lots of pieces? Games that never, ever end? (Hello, Chutes & Ladders! I’m talking to you!)

Affiliate links are used in this post. In case you want a Potato Head or Creepy Robot Cat for yourself.

Santa, Jesus & Christmas Confusion

Last year’s Christmas was so much fun. At three years old Annalyn finally understood the fun parts of Christmas, making cute crafts and opening every present with uncontrollable glee.

This year, though? This year was different.

Don’t get me wrong! It wasn’t bad. No, we had a great Christmas. It just turns out that Christmas with a four-year-old is WAY different than Christmas with a three-year-old.

First of all, she joined the ranks of children everywhere and became a victim of stupid holiday marketing. We never watch TV with Annalyn that includes commercials, but after two months of being bombarded by “what are you asking Santa for?” my normally generous and well-mannered child suffered from a case of the gimmes.

She knows better than to assume she’s getting a new toy or treat every time we visit a store and truly never asks, but this holiday season, she could not resist the mountains of toys filling Every. Stinking. Aisle.

[And you know what appeared in every one of those Toy Mountains? A giant dog that barked when you walked by and - I know, because we have the cat version - shed massive amounts of white, plastic hair all over your house. And yes, that would be the exact same toy my child decided she must have.]

I fought against the Marketing Machine by getting Annalyn involved in packing a shoebox for an underprivileged child and by reminding her that some kids don’t get any presents at all. In case you wondered, the shoebox was a great experience, but the “Don’t you know there are starving kids in Africa?” approach didn’t really work for us.

Second of all, my inquisitive child was confused for a full three weeks, trying to figure out WHEN IS CHRISTMAS? Because apparently it’s all a little hard to understand when the grown-ups talk about Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, especially when you add in the fact that we went to church on Saturday night instead of Sunday morning. And then the fact that we had Christmas get-togethers with family on four separate days, including New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day? Totally confusing.

Finally, it turns out that it is virtually impossible (or, at the very least, extremely difficult) to explain to your four-year-old child [who asks about 475 questions a day and remembers pretty much EVERYTHING] that the original Santa lived a long time ago and oh yeah, Jesus was born a long time ago, too. And Christmas is about Jesus’s birth, but Santa brings presents if you’re good. But Jesus loves you even if you’re not good and He died for everyone’s sins because we all sin, but you better not shout, you better not cry.

At one point, Annalyn was “reading” a story out of her tiny pink Bible. It featured St. Nicholas, shepherds, a baby wrapped in cloths and Flynn Rider (from Tangled).

*SIGH*

Thanks to Truth in the Tinsel, we read Bible verses and talked about various parts of the Christmas story every day – and Annalyn LOVED that. (Although, full disclosure, we only did one – ONE! – craft from that advent book.) But she also thought that she should be getting a present in her advent boxes each day, too.

And then there was our failed attempt to visit Santa Claus.
I didn’t want to ruin the magic of Christmas for my kiddo, but we’d already talked about how the “real” Santa lived long ago. I blame Veggie Tales for this one, since the video she’d been watching since last year, when it didn’t really register, tells the whole story of St. Nicholas. When we went to do the annual sit on Santa’s lap, yes, talk to a stranger, no it’s okay, don’t cry, quick take a picture thing…she was not interested. You know why?

“I don’t want to sit on a fake Santa’s lap! I’m so sad the real Santa lived so long ago! WHY DID SANTA DIE? Wait – did Santa die on the cross for us? Is he alive again? Oh, okay. Why does this church have a fake Santa?”

Thankfully she said this in our car, not in a crowd full of innocent, Santa-believing kids.

Seriously. How did I botch this up so badly?
I tried answering every question she had about “is Santa real?” and “can reindeer fly?” with, “What do YOU think?” That did not work. In case you were wondering.

I’m pretty sure she’s not scarred for life. I did try to answer all her questions as honestly as possible without spoiling any holiday magic. And while we tried to keep our Christmas shopping simple this year, but it’s just so fun to buy presents for her. So my normally generous but temporarily greedy child did have a little pile of gifts to open on Christmas morning, despite the fact that after a rip-roaring, ear-splitting tantrum on Christmas Eve, we decided to leave her stocking empty because “Santa heard her fit.” (Please. Do not yell at me for this. It killed me to do it, and then it didn’t even really phase her. Probably because the real Santa lived a long time ago.)

When she saw her presents under the tree on Christmas morning, she asked quietly, “Are any of these for me?” When I told they were all for her, she was upset: “But what about YOU GUYS? Where are YOUR presents??” And a couple days after Christmas, she said out of nowhere, “Oh noooo! We forgot to sing happy birthday to God!!!” (We hadn’t. But apparently she can, in fact, forget some things.)

So in the grand scheme of things, the fact that she wanted everyone to have presents, remembered that Christmas is about Jesus’s birthday, looked forward to reading our Bible verses each day during Advent and said “thank you” for almost every single present she received is evidence that she is – WE ARE – doing okay.

But for future reference, just so you know, a Strawberry Shortcake dress-up costume covered in sequins makes a bigger mess than that stupid barking furry dog ever could have.

How did you teach your kids about the meaning of Christmas?

You have a baby . . . in a bar . . .

Bar

About a year ago the former buffet-turned-thrift store a mile down the road opened as a new restaurant. Its bright sign announced it as “Buck’s: KC’s Original BBQ & Italian Restaurant.” The establishment’s mascot-slash-logo is an unusually muscular male deer.

It didn’t exactly seem like my kind of place.

First of all, Buck’s? I don’t know if you’re aware, but Kansas City has a few other BBQ and Italian restaurants. As in, famous ones.

Second of all, thank you for featuring such a macho buck on your sign. Had I been confused about what kind of customer you were looking for, this would have certainly cleared it right up.

Strangely enough, my husband and I have different opinions on both of the above points. He’s of the opinion that Buck’s might just be the first one bold enough to offer both BBQ and Italian food under one Kansas City roof. And since the day it opened, he’s been convinced that he is, indeed, the type of person who would enjoy such a place. We’ve had many rounds of this conversation:

Mary: Fine, let’s just go out. Where do you want to go?
Mark: Well, we could try that Buck’s.
Mary: Um, NO.

Last month, I realized I hadn’t used a Restaurant.com gift certificate I’d earned from Swagbucks. When I saw that I could buy a gift certificate to Buck’s, I decided to be An Awesome Wife and buy it for Mark’s birthday.

He had to work the night of his birthday, but we had time for dinner together. After we gave him a cute daddy card and a mushy husband card, we surprised him with dinner at Buck’s.

And it was Not Awesome.

First of all, we could smell the grease when we got out of the car in the parking lot. Second of all, we could smell the smoke – the stale smoke – when we opened the door.

But I was determined to be An Awesome Wife, so I didn’t complain. After we ordered our food (and suspicious sounding – and, to be honest, looking – BBQ Nachos), we sat at our table. In between birthday hugs, Annalyn was pointing out everything of interest in this new-to-us restaurant.

  • “Look, Mommy! They have bottles of water!” (Also known as wine coolers.)
  • “Oh noooo! He’s got a smoker! It’s going to stink!” (Yes, the man was lighting a cigarette.)
  • “Aghhhh! I can’t breathe! It smells so baaaad!” (The bathroom did smell strongly of sewage.)
  • “Look! They’re playing a game!” (Pool.)
  • “Yay! He hit the ball!”
  • “Are they married?”
  • “Did the boy win? Why did the girl win?”

Luckily, our fellow patrons of what had turned out to be much more bar than grill were amused by my innocent and mouthy little girl and not offended. Unluckily, my dinner was neither BBQ nor Italian and could be better classified as “bar food.”

After wolfing down his BBQ (which was, reportedly, very good), Mark headed off to work, while Annalyn and I went home for the night. The moment we walked in the door, we stripped off our smoky clothes, made our way into jammies and turned on the music for a dance party before bed.

Because after that night it seemed apropos to jam to a little Lynyrd Skynrd.

(As in Sweet Home Alabama. As in the song and the movie. As in the source of my title’s quote. In case you didn’t catch that.)

All right, put your Mom of the Year candidacy aside and tell me: Have you ever had “a baby . . . in a bar”?

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