Sometimes God talks to me.

I’m not saying He calls my cell phone or writes big puffy letters across the sky (or on my Facebook wall). But every once in a while, He whispers into my heart. More often than I’d like to admit, though, I simply ignore those whispers, those nudges, those words of instruction, correction, encouragement and truth, made just for me.

What am I talking about? Well, to start with, let’s talk about mornings.

For years I’ve complained about not being a morning person. I’ve whined about it to my husband, my friends, my readers and to God. Strangely enough (or not), most mornings that follow me griping, “God, I know I need to get up in the morning. I want to, I really do. It’s just that . . . but . . .” arrive abruptly and early. For no reason other than what I’m pretty sure is a divine alarm, I wake up early.

And you know what I do? I roll over and go back to sleep.

My morning routine – or lack of – is not the only area that gets this Godly boost on a fairly regular basis. Every time I tell myself, “Who cares? Just eat it. I’ll start over in the morning,” another, wiser voice says, “Don’t. Just . . . don’t.”

That’s the one that’s happened most often (and the loudest, if that makes any sense at all), but it’s not the only time I’ve heard from God.

It never fails that in the middle of hollering at my husband or my daughter, something tickles the back of my brain and tugs on the corners of my heart, saying, “Calm down. This isn’t how you want to speak. This isn’t working. This isn’t love.”

Then there’s my writing. As in book writing. I’ve felt pulled, called to write a book for quite a while now. While it used to be a vague dream, it’s become a driving desire over the past few years. And now, not a month goes by without a hit-me-in-the-face, sock-me-in-the-gut, wake-me-up-and-shake-me reminder that this is what I’m supposed to be doing.

But . . . it’s just so scary. So I haven’t done it.

As I’ve been thinking about resolutions and goals the past couple of weeks, I’ve realized what has probably been glaringly obvious to anyone looking into my life: I’ve got an obedience problem.

This year, like every other year, I’ve written down goals for the next 12 months. I want to improve several areas of my life and I’ve come up with concrete strategies to do so. But no matter how many bullet points I type or plans I make, these goals aren’t likely to be met without some major heart work.

Let’s face it: resolutions aren’t working. Sure, I’ve worked out this week, eaten every meal at home and even cleaned out my underwear drawer. But how long will this new year motivation last? No longer than it did last year . . . or the year before . . . or the ten years before that.

I wrote about resolutions at (in)courage on Tuesday, and one of the comments echoed what I’ve been thinking all month [yes, all less than two weeks of this month]. Sarah said, “Oftentimes success comes through surrender.”

Yes. YES. That is exactly it. Until I surrender my will to His, I’m not going to dig up enough gumption or motivation or determination or anything to meet a list of goals that I’ve decided are important. So this year, I’m going to try something different.

I still have my list of goals, bullet points and all. But I’m surrendering this year, this life to God. I’m going to obey.

To be honest, saying that is a little scary. I’m pretty sure, though, that by obeying, by saying yes to God, I might just be in for my best, most exciting year ever. As my pastor has been saying, This could be the year. Which, you know, is still scary. But in the most awesome way. This year, I’m going to obey.

Do you have one word that you’re focusing on this year?

Notes: You can find encouragement and community about One Word goals at One Word 365. And the graphic up above is from my friend Sara.

One of the movie theaters that Mark and I go to occasionally includes a slide about what to do in case of a fire in its before-the-previews commercials. The instructions, written in a lovely script, scroll up over the screen as a Very Serious Man reads them aloud.

And every single time, I can’t help giggling. The whole thing reminds me so much of SNL’s Jack Handey segments from the 90s. I’m just convinced the next time we see a movie, someone is going to introduce the emergency instructions with, “And now . . . deep thoughts from AMC.”

That’s also how I think about my (in)courage posts. I love being a part of the (in)courage team for so many reasons, but one of the most important is that it allows me the opportunity to write through my feelings or something God has been teaching me every single month.

As I look back on the posts I wrote for (in)courage this year, I really love them all. Not because they’re so well-written or clever or moving! But because they really do represent ME. One of my goals for 2012 is to write more like this – more than once a month!

In case you missed them, here are my 2011 posts at (in)courage:

• What Does Your Security Blanket Look Like?
• Looking Through a Lens of Pain
• Who’s Holding Up Your Hands?
• What Do You Want to See?
• I’m a nerd {for books}.
• As for Me and My House . . .
• Hiding Behind a Mask
• How to Follow When You’re Called to Stay
• Outside the Fire
• What Notes {and Words} Do You Keep?
• Now That I See You, I Miss You!
• I Bet You Think This Song is About You
• What’s That Smell?
• Planning a {Fabulous} Christmas Party

Do you write differently in different environments? Do you have any writing goals for 2012?