If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

I have been on a lot of interviews. A lot. This statement might lead you to believe I’m a job hopper, but that’s a topic for another day. Today, I will share with you a few of my most interesting interview experiences ever. Or, if you prefer to hear it in my Sandlot voice, EV-ERRR.

My best interview experience was for a job that lasted four months. After having a face-to-face interview with the hiring manager at an ad agency, I had a conference call with two team members who worked in other cities. I loved that call. Talking with Dan from Des Moines and Liz from St. Louis was fun; I really connected with these people! If only I’d gotten to work with them every day instead of the drones in my local office. And if only I’d had even a passing interest in agriculture, the agency’s bread and butter.

My worst interview experience was last year after being laid off. I’d applied and interviewed for a job at the headquarters of a service fraternity. I wasn’t what the manager was looking for, but he liked me. So he referred me to his colleague at another fraternity headquarters based here in town. After a few e-mails back and forth with this guy’s assistant, we finally scheduled an interview. For the day of a snow and ice storm. In the middle of a terrible sinus infection.

I went anyway – after all, I couldn’t afford to pass up any opportunity for a job. Somehow I made it to the office in time (difficult with the snow and ice), but the interview had a rocky start when I declined to shake the director’s hand for fear of passing along germs. He didn’t like that so much. (Believe me, he would’ve liked the infection even less, but try telling him that.) For the next 45 minutes, this man pored over my resume, grilling me about every move and decision I’d made since my junior year of high school.

“Why’d you go to Truman? What made you decide to go there?”

“How’d you decide on communications as a major?”

“Why do you want to work in non-profit? How did you even hear about that kind of career?”

And then the best part, he asked me about every single job, “Why did you leave this job? Why did you take this job? Do you regret it?”

And then! Then he asked me, regarding leaving one job, “Were they surprised you were leaving? Did they care? Did you even do a good job?”

Seriously. I mean, questions are great. And honestly, reflection on my crazy career path is healthy for me and understandable for a potential employer. But you should have heard him. He was MEAN about it. It’s like he was digging for DIRT, or just an excuse not to hire me.

I couldn’t even leave after he was finished wringing me out. I had to take three tests, proving that I could write a letter, design a newsletter (in a version of Quark I was not familiar with) and talk about my hero.

I have never been so relieved to be finished with an interview. And never so shocked (SHOCKED!) to receive a job offer. After all that, that man offered me a job. I was so thankful to have gotten another job offer, so I could say without hesitation, “Thanks, but no.”

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