If I did one of those word collage things for all the phrases I speak in any given week, I know which one would be the largest. “Because of Mark’s schedule…” I say that all the time!
A husband who works nights really cramps my social life, but it’s not the missed girls nights out that is my biggest complaint. It’s the fact that for the great majority of our time, I am – essentially – a single mom.
Now don’t get me wrong! Mark is a fantastic father. He loves our little girl like nobody’s business, and he can make her giggle – and listen – faster than anyone else on earth. But the fact that remains that his current work schedule keeps him away from home more hours than any of us like.
I’m not going down the pity party path, though. Not today. (This weekend – and every other time the words, “We miss you! I’m tired of doing everything myself! I didn’t sign up to be a single mom!” have been uttered – might have been a different story, though.)
Today I thought we’d kick it David Letterman style and list out the signs you are, indeed, a married single mom.
10. You don’t even flinch when a major appliance breaks, and you’re the one responsible for getting it fixed. Again. (Please tell me this was a hypothetical example, @AliciasTweeting!)
9. When your husband is home (and, in our case, awake), you might just arrange for him to be the parent who finds the dirty diapers, snotty noses, mysteriously wet car seat, etc. And you only feel a little guilty.
8. You don’t bother with the threat, “Wait until your father gets home,” because either you can’t remember when he’ll be home again or you know that by the time he gets home, you’ll have forgotten this – and most of the other – transgressions.
7. Approximately one hour after naptime, you begin calculating just how soon you can put the kids back in bed. As @mnmommy said, “Is 6:30 really too early?”
6. After another long day of entertaining and feeding your darling children, you find yourself thinking that Chuck E. Cheese sounds like a good plan for dinner. (Thanks to @DiaperDiaries for that one!)
5. Your daughter squeals and hollers, then looks at you and says, “I can be noisy, Mommy, because Daddy’s awake, right?” (Because working the night shift means sleeping the day shift.)
4. When it’s time to upgrade to a booster seat, you’re excited to save money by only buying a seat for one car – yours.
3. You pile everyone into the car to go to preschool – and then realize it’s Saturday, which is (unfortunately) just another day of full-time mommy duty. (So true, @feelslikehome. So true!)
2. You go ahead and buy your favorite snacks, because you can eat whatever you want after the kids go to bed. (Canned ravioli, @adriennemay? Really?)
1. Once you finally get the kids (back) into bed, clean up the dinner that you threw together and toss another load of clean laundry on top of the dryer, you can watch whatever you want on TV!
Whether your husband works nights, serves in our military or travels for his job, I know many of you are also living as married “single” moms. What signs would you add to this list?
This post will be linked to Top Ten Tuesday at OhAmanda.
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A married single mom? I haven’t heard the phrase before, but know that you are in good company! I resonate with your top ten list for sure!
ok. this might be gross. but it’s honest.
my room, my bed, under the covers…smells good til my hubs gets home.
i’ll leave it at that.
hi, mary!!
Tam, I am so behind in replying to comments, but you have to know that finding this in my inbox first thing in the morning was a GREAT way to start my day! I hear you. Ohhh, I hear you. :)
Military spouses joke about how things break after the hubby leaves WITHOUT FAIL. For me, it was the water heater shortly after my husband deployed. Geez….what do I know about water heaters?
Oh yes…and then later some plumbing pipes broke!
I was VERY thankful my dad lived only 10 min away. :)
What a blessing to have your dad nearby when your husband is gone!!
I’m a real-life single mama and I would be ever so thankful for a husband that remained faithful to his family even if working the night shift. The extra responsibility of providing financially and spiritually as a single woman for three little ones, ON TOP of the all the heavy duty regular mommy work is almost unbearable some days.
Sure, it feels like you are going it alone some days, and we all deserve a break, but hug that man of yours, tell him how grateful you are for his support and then put in a DVD while you escape in the tub.
I’m not intending to sound critical – just know that some would love to have the “troubles” you describe.
Missy, I hear what you’re saying. And I have said many times that I truly don’t know how single moms do it! My husband may not be here much these days, but he does everything within his power to be an equal partner. Without that, I’m not sure how I’d make it. It’s a great reminder (especially for those of us who get frustrated with “not enough” husband time), and I admire what YOU are doing SO much!
I feel truly blessed to have a husband that helps me prepare bottles to take to daycare during bath time…only for both of us to then realize the next day is Saturday. I am extra thankful after my husband was in the hospital last week for six days (with an inflammed pancreas). I felt like a single mom. At that time, the house went to pieces, my five month old who had started on solid food was only given bottles because they are faster, and I survived on Lean Cuisine and Pizza Hut (a balanced diet). That made me appreciate my husband greatly AND single mothers!!! I have an entirely new respect. Kudos to Missy, Military moms, and all moms doing the best they can!
Sarah! I hope your husband is feeling better!! And yes, being a mom whose husband works long, weird hours has definitely made me appreciate single and military moms SO much more!
Love it! For me, the wife of a husband who travels a lot, I would add…
you stop being sad that he’s going out of town (AGAIN) and start looking forward to having the bed to yourself.
So funny! :) Thanks for my morning laugh, Mary.
i LOVE #1… now that ben is home a little more in the evening i’m dreading that he’ll pick “roseanne” to watch on netflix instead of my “scrubs.” and not kidding on the roseanne thing…
Oh, Ben. Just…really? Roseanne?
You only seem to be productive when he is NOT home and know that his first day home/off/awake during the day is the day you can get NOTHING done ;)
Oh my gosh, Tammy – SO TRUE. And for us, even though he doesn’t work on Saturdays, he has to sleep for part of the day because he’s been working all night!
Love it! I never heard another mom talk about being a “single” married mother. My husband works nights, different shifts each week and works up to 14 hour shifts each day…so I am more often than not “on my own”.
I really am blessed that he works as hard as he does so I can handle everything else, many kudos to moms who are just “single” period.
I hear you on those long shifts. And up until a couple months ago, Mark was working a different shift, often every day. It is definitely not fun – or for the faint of heart!
As soon as I saw the title for this post I thought “That’s me”. As a pastor’s wife I am responsible for the kid’s MOST of the time. There is always a construction project and with a small church like ours they like to tap into hubby’s handy man skills as much as possible and these projects take forever. He is always already at the church early for any meeting so it is up to me to get the kid’s ready and go to church alone and since he works many nights and weekends I can’t be involved like my friends. I am very grateful for him, but I do feeling like a single mom a lot of the time.
I do NOT envy those Sunday mornings alone. I think that’s a time that is so attacked anyway, and doing it alone? Yuck!!
Oh man… your post is so funny and so are the comments. So many of us women can relate. I can totally agree on the comment where not worrying if he is going out of town again because it only means I get to the the bed All To Myself… awwww.. it’s the only sleep I get because he snores way too loud.
Yes! I can’t believe I forgot to include that myself. I LOVE having the bed to myself!!
I feel ya on the single married life – not fun. Love the mommy gig, but I signed up for a two parent household and yet the Bubs and I have been on our own in another state on a job hunt for 6 months! So grateful to be going home soon so I can sleep in! And see my husband, of course:)
Six months of being separated by states is a LOT! I’m glad to hear you’ll be going home soon!!
I confess I am with adriennemay and when I am home w/o spouse I eat Spaghetti-Os.
My DH has a work event on Thursday and I am practically in hives thinking of having to be a single parent ONE WHOLE DAY. How do y’all do it????
Well, you know, I’m a saint and a superwoman. HAHAHAHA! That’s maniacal laughter, of course, since (as you know) I lose it on a very regular basis!
LOL! I didn’t know there was a name for my life! Oh, how I can relate. Thanks for visiting me at A Season for All Things. I’m your newest follower and look forward to reading more of your posts. ~ Ellen
I’d made the comment that I feel a bit like a single mom even though I’m married, and then I read a magazine article that used this exact phrase. I thought, too – I didn’t know there was a name for this!
This is awesome and so, so true. The biggest blessing about having a husband who travels is having nights just to myself. I can eat whatever I want, watch whatever I want, stay up as late {or go to bed as early} as I want. The worst thing is when he’s been away for too long and these nights suddenly seem empty and way too quiet.
Also, when my husband is home, I tend to wait on the couch until he gets up to clean up a poppy potty and butt. Even if it’s the third time that day and especially if he says “do you want me to get this one again?”
I don’t normally “feel” the emptiness and quiet of those nights, but once Mark finally gets home, I talk his ear off because I finally realize, then, how lonely I’ve been without him!
This is GREAT!! Military here (whose husband is deployed but when he is not then he works 18 hour days) so yes, I totally feel like a single married mom. And all these ring so true so often.
The last one made me laugh because I completely feel that way but then end up only being able to watch like 15 minutes of a tv program because I am SO tired!
I’m a night owl, so the after-kid-bedtime hours are my favorite time. Now morning? That’s when I’m SO tired and can barely function! :)
I’ve felt this way when my husband was still in the military. I had been a single mom for 10 years so being on my own came naturally. When he was home again, it was great, but took a lot of time to get used to.
So great.
I hear ya on every point!
Love my hubs….but this busy season, is for the birds.
:)
Great Sunday Best Post.
Mine doesn’t work an odd shift or anything; he just works 6 days a week, usually 10 to 12 hours a day. I try really hard not to complain to him; his paycheck is allowing me to be home with our kids.
But it’s still hard.