More Than Defined: Meow! I’m a Scaredy Cat.

“She turned off the TV!”

My new friend (Nony from A Slob Comes Clean) called me out, right there in the pizza buffet line. I think she may have even pointed her finger.

Of course, I’m joking. She said she just got caught up in the excitement of my tiny little rebellious move. The pizza joint we ate dinner in was noisy, and the over-sized flat-screen above our heads didn’t help matters.

So I turned it off.

I know. I am So. Brave. Right?

Or…not.

I might be nervy. Or, sometimes, too big for my britches. But I’m not really brave. I’m really a big scaredy cat.

I mentioned to a co-worker that someone I’d met intimidated me. She said, “What? I can’t believe you would be intimidated by anyone!”

Apparently, I’ve got people snowed. Because while I might put on a brave face and talk tough and stand tall, well, the truth is I’m scared of everything.

{You know, just like Baby: “Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”}

This summer, despite my best intentions and grand plans, I’ve been afraid of writing honestly. I started this series, More Than Defined, intending to share and explain some of the specific – and sometimes strange – ways I describe myself.

But some of those things, it turns out, aren’t so easy to write about. And so I’ve stalled. Because I’m a scaredy cat. I’m afraid of what you’ll think. I’m afraid that you’ll disagree with me, or judge me, or stop liking me. I’m afraid…

No more, I say! Next week, I’m going to dig deeper and write more. So consider yourself forewarned.

What are you afraid of? Do you find it difficult to be transparent, either in person or online?

The cat photos are by Eirik Newth. His cats were seeing his new Roomba for the first time.

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