Or maybe they're the wrong labels to focus on anyway. Does it really matter how smart and/or pretty we are? God looks at our hearts instead of our outward appearance, and His wisdom is available for anybody — the simple or the wise of the world (which is humbling!:). Just thinking "aloud" here… :)

I related to the part about an unhealthy level of self-awareness too. (How could I not if I'm hypersensitive??;)

HM, I think that's something (feeling like you HAVE to be a "nice girl") I've heard other people talk about, too. I know that for me, it's hard to find the balance between being nice and being a doormat, being assertive and being a jerk. And then there's the question (that I ask myself) of WHY am I trying to be "nice" – is it because I truly want to be kind to people or because I want them to think well of me??

One of the things that the author said that resonated with me is when she talked about having an unhealthy level of self-awareness. Which, when it comes down to it, is really about pride and selfishness.

I think that society plays a big part in the "fate" labels that we can adopt, but we can't let that be an excuse for believing lies. For instance, just because I'm a working mom doesn't mean I'm a bad mom; just because I'm a Christian doesn't mean I'm intolerant or ignorant; and just because I'm overweight doesn't mean I'm a lazy slob. But it sure is hard not to believe those things at times!!

Chelley, one thing I'm having to really think about is which of my labels truly ARE fact. For example, I am obviously a woman. But am I truly smart? I'm married (fact), but do I really have a pretty face? Some of the labels I've accepted as FACT may not be…

My main labels are fat/ugly, single and different. They’re not necessarily false, but the meanings I assign to them are. I am overweight, single, and different from many (although they say we’re more alike than different:). But overweight doesn’t mean invaluable/unlovable/undesirable/etc. like I think it does. Nor does single mean unwanted, etc. like I think it does, or different mean bad or unworthy like I think.

Obviously these thoughts are mostly my own, but I think society has a big role too, telling me that I shouldn't be different, I should be married, and I should be a certain size if I want to be important and/or loved. I especially think the single label is hard to see as just a fact and not fate. For most of the other labels/facts the author mentioned, they seemed like things that just happen to people or things that people really can't control (e.g. intelligence, fertility, physical conditions, etc.), but for some reason singleness seems like it's more the fault of the person who's single. And of course, since I think society sees it that way, I assume (I know, bad idea!) that people think that about me and therefore it must be true. That's one of my assumptions, I guess: that if people think it of me, it must be true. NOT so! (and in many cases, people don't even think what I think they think anyway;)

I think this also shows that I'm a Pharisee… I'm obviously more concerned with making the outside better (e.g. being thin so others find me attractive; being married so that others think I'm normal and desirable; etc.) than fixing the inside (i.e. developing my relationship with God; trusting and finding my worth in Him alone).

OK, this is turning into a thesis, but this is a topic I really could do a thesis on! (again, why I'm here!;) One more thing though: you asked about roots/fruits. My big one is the one the author talked about (which of course felt like God was talking directly to me!): hypersensitivity. That's the fruit, which stems from roots of pride, insecurity, perfectionism… I'm such a mess. :( I was encouraged though when she talked about the weapon of the Word choking out bad roots… I often relate to the seeds parable, where some seeds grow up but are choked by thorns (the concerns/troubles of the world, I think)… so this was a good picture for me. God's Word can choke out those thorns and bad roots. :) I sure hope so!

(Feel free to delete all or most of this, Mary, as I know it's ridiculously long!)

I think my biggest label is "I need to be nice". Growing up, my mom ALWAYS said it is more important to be beautiful inside than outside and whenever I said anything nasty about someone (who was usually mean to me first), my mom would respond, "they have a mom who loves them too" and I would immediately feel guilty. I will get mild anxiety attacks if I think someone thinks I said something hurtful to them and overly analyze the conversation (ask my husband). Usually I will try to talk myself out of some perceived insult and then end up overly insulting them and putting my foot in my mouth. Often I will "talk tough" to my friends–tell them they should say "this" and "this", but when it is my turn, I can't do it. It is hard for me to be assertive so I am really proud of myself when I am.

and as far as being a pharisee, well, i definitely do not keep my outside clean!

this seriously looks like a GREAT study! maybe this fall when things slow down a bit i'll have to read the book!