When I was in college, I felt that God called me to ministry. In the years since, I’ve struggled to figure out exactly what that means, what God has planned for me, where I belong, how I can serve.
Recently, my struggle has been more about learning to be content with where I am right now, figuring out how I can serve where I am.
As part of my endeavor to get more involved in ministry in my current life instead of waiting for someday to get here, I’ve started writing to a missionary wife that our church supports. I’ve mentioned before that I sing in the choir. Also, Mark and I have started a small group with four other couples.
These ministries are all things I signed up for, things that I have some interest in, some skill or spiritual gift for doing.
The other ministry Mark and I participate in is not so voluntary and not so suited to our strengths. We serve in the toddler nursery.
Every Sunday morning that we go to church, our daughter is taken care of by several fantastic nursery workers. So it’s only fair that we take our turn caring for other families’ children. And while Mark does not enjoy it at all (although he’s great at vacuuming up the hundreds of Cheerios left on the floor after snacktime and following me around with a box of tissues during cold season), I do. I like holding the kids who cry when their parents leave and showing the new kids all the toys we have to play with. I don’t love changing their diapers, but I like hanging out with other people’s kiddos for a couple hours once a month.
But you sure wouldn’t know this based on last Sunday. Or based on the fourth Sunday of February.
Because we forgot to work in the nursery.
Just plain forgot! After I realized what we’d done last month – or not done, as the case might be – I was mortified. I e-mailed our nursery director and apologized all over myself. I expressed my extreme regret and promised not to let it happen ever again. She was gracious and forgiving, and all was forgotten.
So forgotten, in fact, that last weekend, the fourth Sunday in March, I forgot to work in the nursery again.
In my defense, I had out-of-town friends visiting, went to a murder mystery party that went way past my bedtime and sang with choir both services on Sunday. But I knew that. I knew how crazy the weekend would be, and I knew it included nursery. I even told Chelley that when we were making plans for the weekend.
But when it came down to it, I was exhausted. Teresa’s birthday party went late, and when I dragged myself out of bed Sunday morning to get to choir practice, nursery didn’t even cross my mind.
It didn’t cross my mind until much later that night, after choir, after lunch with my friends, after a nap and after Bible study.
But now I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about how there’s just no way to fix this. No apology will take back the stress that our nursery director felt as she covered for us at the last minute, and no sincere words of regret will change the view she now has of us. And I can’t stop thinking that I should get it together! I should be more organized! I should, I should, I should!
And I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’ll never find myself in a full-time ministry role, because I can’t even be faithful with the small things.
I’m not saying that to get reassurances that everyone makes mistakes. And I realize that the title of my blog implies that I am no longer a perfectionist with sky-high standards for herself. But at least in this instance, I can’t let myself off the hook. I don’t know how. And I don’t know how anyone – or Anyone – else could, either.
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Thank you for being willing to work in your child’s class. I have staffed many a nursery and cannot tell you the number of mothers who would tell me that they were moms “24/7″ and needed “a break”. And while I understand that need if everyone used that excuse there would be no nursery programs. Give yourself credit for being willing to serve and ask for forgiveness. Obviously serving in this way is important to you or you wouldn’t feel so badly about forgetting.
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oh my goodness – I can’t tell you how much I am in the exact same place — I have no idea why it’s so hard to be faithful in the small things – but I’ll be praying for both of us that we will be better at it!
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Don’t beat yourself up! It happens! We’ve all forgotten something or our plans changed or whatever. You just have to move on. I try to keep in mind that if I won’t remember it a year from now, it probably is not worth my worry now…
And now that you have this horrible feeling imprinted in your mind, you are less likely to forget in the future–so it is kind of a blessing!
If it makes you feel better, ask if you can be a substitute if someone misses in the next few weeks…or switch with the nursery director if she has a time slot.
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Whoa–toddler ministry!? Yikes. I have historically (and successfully) avoided any kind of nursery duty all of my life. At the church we attended in FL, I heard a rumor that people who had kids in the nursery were “encouraged” or maybe pressured to also volunteer there. So what did we do? We kept Cool Baby out. That’s right. We either didn’t go to church or we took him with us and one of us always ended up taking him in the lobby when he got bored. Well, we also didn’t want him getting germs from the nursery…so that along with not wanting to volunteer in the nursery.
In our new church, there are lots of single girls who love watching kids. It’s great! I think another great option is having a family viewing room where everyone can watch the service together while the kids play.
–soapbox alert–
I really dislike the idea of people (like me) who don’t really love watching other people’s kids, taking care of my kid. Does that make any sense? It makes me feel sad that churches pressure people to do it even if they don’t want to.
I say, way to go in actually doing it ever! It sounds like you are great with them. I can imagine how bad you must feel about forgetting. I agree with the previous commenter–see if you can be the person the nursery director calls when there is a sudden absence.
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Never forget that you are justified before God because of the blood of Christ. No matter how much you grow in Christ it will never be enough to earn your salvation or to keep it…the blood of Christ covered you the moment you believed and it covers you now. It is still what makes you pleasing in the eyes of God. Therein lies the grace of God, He says in Psalm 103 that He is mindful that we are but dust. Sorry to get all serious, but freedom, is for those with a trembling conscience, not condemnation. All you did was give the toddler director an opportunity to extend the same grace God has given her, to someone else (which I’m sure she realizes). You do not need to , do, do ,do—rest in what your God has already accomplished for you. We are a people saved by what we believe, and your sanctification is in the Hand’s of God, as He has said, He has already planned the good works for you to walk in, and He can make you walk, just as He will make you stand ready on that day. Take comfort in what has already been accomplished for you.(Eph.2:10,Jude 1:24,Gal.2:16)
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oh no! 2 months in a row?! :-) what room are you serving in? we’re in the older 2 year old room upstairs and ben actually likes it. he has fun playing with the boys. i guess it probably helps because they’re not BABIES anymore! (well, there’s the occasional crier!)
anyway, it’s hard to remember. especially when you have a busy weekend like that and other responsibilities at church. don’t beat yourself up about it.
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Our Bible School RA was really concerned about this issue in her girl’s lives. So important to recognize the sin, apoligize and then move on, asking the Holy Spirit to help you grow from the incident. I think it’s great that you do the babysitting- we’re on this week- thanks for the reminder! :)
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I’m sure it was hard for you to forgive yourself of forgetting the small things…isn’t it refreshing to know that God forgives to of all those things large and small?
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I think “should” is way worse than any four-letter word I could mention here … and you know I know them all.
I think this is an opportunity to minister to yourself. If a friend were in your shoes, you would talk to that friend about forgiving herself, about grace, about patience and what it means to be human. This is your opportunity to minister right here, and it sounds like you need it.
BTW, I’m a horrrrrrrible commenter, but I love your blog, lovely Mary!
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Girl. I am SO with you. I have forgotten so many important things (my daughter’s last day of preschool one year, to name one that still haunts me, oh, and a field trip another year!) and I feel so insignificant and unworthy. I think (hope?) that it’s just this time in our lives. ((hug))
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I think that as moms we sometimes try to “over-serve” (is that possible?) We want to help in so many ways and then become so stressed because it’s hard to do everything we committed to. It might just be that the nursery is not the right ministry for you.
I am the only piano player at our church right now so that means that I can’t serve in the nursery. This is going to sound bad, but I am so happy about that! :) It is the one ministry that I do NOT feel called to serve in and that I don’t enjoy at all. I’m glad that I am serving in another way though that is helpful for others.
I also think that all you can do now is ask for forgiveness and then forgive yourself as well. :)
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I came here from Tam’s today. I loved your first paragraph only because it sounds just like something I can say and have said.
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Hi, visiting from Tam’s blog (isn’t link love great?) ;-)
No-one but you chooses your life.
You are primarily responsible to God – and yourself/soul.
Of course we do live with other human beings who are just like us – fallible, less than ‘perfect’ and full of our own ego more than His Will.
WE learn that we must live with these people daily and form strong relationships with them and those have importance to us.
i believe it is important to establish Priorities in this life.
To Whom do you place the greatest priority?
Where do you place your commitment to the Toddler Ministry? To the nursing director? To the Church service? To the murder mystery trip? etc etc.
We can and do all make ‘mistakes’ and must bear the responsibility accordingly.
If we carefully choose our priorities we can ensure we make the mistakes we do make to be of a ‘minor’ nature and not major ones.
Then we can more easily forgive ourselves and thus ensure we are forgiven by those who’s forgiveness matters the most.
Establish your priorities for your Life – and practice them daily so that we don’t ‘forget’ what is truly important because we get distracted by the things that, ultimatley, are not as important.
I am NOT saying what should be the most important priority for you… that has to be your choice always.
blove (since blogger won’t let me use my sign-off!)
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kimberly – do you still hear her voice in the back of your head, with that english accent, ‘faithfulness in the small things!’? cuz i do. :)
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Yup! All the time!
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