Do you read Tam’s blog, inProgress? It’s more of a community than just a place for someone to dump her thoughts. Although, her thoughts range from hilarious to perplexing to inspirational to thought-provoking.
Today, Tam and I are blog swapping. She’s here to tell us a little about giving up on perfect, and I’m over at her place talking about being a work in progress. Welcome, Tam.
…Not easy to do. Especially when perfection becomes a survival skill.
When I was in elementary school my mother met a man who’d eventually help in giving me 2 younger sisters :) He also helped in forming some of the worst habits of my life. One being…a clean freak!
You see, my mom’s boyfriend was an abuser. He enjoyed all types of abuse. My older brother and I got to experience them all. But the one that had the biggest impact on me was the physical abuse.
If he found me sitting, I would get a beating. Wouldn’t matter if I had just vacuumed and was simply resting. A beating would follow.
So, I learned to stay busy. There was always something to straighten, organize, dust, fluff, pick up, wash, whatever…I would find something to do.
One of the chores I gave myself was keeping the faucets spic-n-span shiny! I quickly learned there was always chrome to keep spiffy. Handwashing, toothbrushing and cooking all caused water spots and grime. And keeping every faucet in the house sparkling became my safety net.
Fast-forward 15 years, I’m married and getting uptight day after day because I couldn’t keep my faucets shiny. I’d walk into the bathroom, notice toothpaste splatter and nearly have an anxiety attack. I’d check them throughout the day like my life depended on it.
I created a habit of keeping myself consistently busy so that I wouldn’t get in trouble for not doing anything. And I had no idea that that’s what I had done. Until one day I realized that I instantly became exhausted as soon as I entered another persons home. I mean, almost comatose. To the point where I wasn’t even watching my own children or engaging in conversation.
You see, as a kiddo, going to another home was a break for me. He wouldn’t hurt me there. I didn’t have to perform. I didn’t have to be perfect. I could just…be. And often times, that meant rest. Rest I so desperately needed.
I conditioned and trained myself to perform in a way that would protect me. But I didn’t require this survival technique anymore. I was safe. Not only with my husband, but with God. I had found my refuge. The mean man had no power over me any longer.
This revelation was lifesaving. Freeing.
Perfection was no longer needed. Not when love stepped in.
Tam is a wife of 1, mom of 2 and friend to many. Laughing at herself is a daily occurence. ‘Cause, well, she ain’t right. Visit Tam at inProgress and follow her on Twitter.
cool idea to blog swap!
tam, it made me so sad to read about your physical and emotional hurt growing up. i can’t fathom how anyone could do that. your last line was very thought provoking — that the need for perfection becomes obsolete when love steps in. how fortunate we are that we serve a God whose love is not performance-based!
going to check out your blog..!
I love this idea. I love Tam’s post. I love Tam. Having really frustrating morning. This little break was very encouraging.
Thank you!
I so love Tam.
Reading this gave me first the inkling to go and check my faucets. Well I did.
I gave up on being perfect :)
This is actually a VERY timely post foranother area of my life. I am so glad you wrote to my heart.
Wonderfully written Tam.
I think the part of me that grew up with 7 sisters wants to hunt the Man down that hit you and let him know how I feel about that…
God’s love replaces all things, he is the only perfect we need.
erin – when God entered the picture the negative and hurt started to fade. love is an amazing thing, isnt it? =))
rox – i love you too, friend! thank you…
heidi- so, were they shiny? ;-)
carl – dont you love that vengeance is the Lords? frees up to focus on the good, the hope. but…i did smile pretty BIG when i read your comment…love you, brother!
wow, what a testimony, tam! thanks for sharing this. really. :)
“Perfection was no longer needed. Not when love stepped in.” I love that. :) I also love how God’s love actually makes us more perfect. What an amazing testimony. :)
Random side note: I clicked over on your blog and just wanted to tell you that your profile pic reminds me of Sandra Bullock :)
This was a great blessing for me today…I’m so grateful for what God’s love has done for you, and the testimony it has become for countless others…including myself.
Thank you for your vulnerability.
joy – hey girl…thanks for stopping by and supporting both mary and me today!
chelleybutton – agreed! i have no idea where id be if Gods love hadnt stepped in. i shudder at the thought =o and really? sandra bullock? im SO taking that as a compliment. i love her!
nichole – thank you. im glad this blessed you today. thats always the hope when sharing our stories.
one of the things i wanted to mention in the post was that i HAD to recognize why i was reacting why i was. i had blocked it out for years, the abuse and stuff. i begged God for a long time to reveal to me why i was like i was. and that day when He did it was like a weight was lifted off of me. many other things became so much clearer too.
and mary…thank you for letting me do this! you have such a welcoming group of friends here!
wow, tam. thanks for sharing your heart.
Hi Tam. In telling your story of overcoming you provide the inspiration, and lesson, for others about the value of faith.
I can’t think of any worse start in life than being abused as a child. That is a lot to overcome, but your story shows how faith can do just that.
What a beautiful story! I love how God is using the horrible things in your past to not only grow you, but to use you as a witness to others. Thank you so much for sharing!
danielle- youre very welcome!
ed – thank you. your words mean a lot to me, friend. and even tho, thinking back, growing up for me wasnt the best, it has helped in getting me to the place i am right now…and i dont think that is so bad. in fact, im rather pleased. so…i am very grateful – it is the hurts that have made me stronger.
busymommy – me too! i am very happy that God is growing me from all this. and i do hope it ministers to others as much as possible. thank you for your kind words!
Wow that was very home-coming to read! I mean I could relate. Thanks for the little peak into a big part of your life Tam. And thanks Mary for the swap. Enjoyed your read too! :o) I commented on Tam’s blog about it…
demara – im sad that you can relate to that. and unfortunately, i think too many others can too.
but here we are now. we decide what to do with the rest of our lives =)
i know! mary was way too cool to agree to my shenanagins. love her!
Tam, I LOVE how honest you are. Bless you, sister.
His love is perfect… so i don’t need to try to be.
i love your heart, tam. thank you for being so open with it.